Ive lost count of the amount of times Ive had debates in my head with all the conflicting voices running through my mind. The problem was I didnt listen to the one telling me to: get out while you can. I listened to the one that told me :  I can handle this. How big a fool am, I? If I had listened maybe I wouldnt be in the predicament I find myself in now? Why the ***** didnt I listen?

My arms. I cant move my ***** arms. Whats in this bed? Its cold and its wet and its slimy. Its vomit. Oh my God. Its vomit. Whos is it? Is it mine, or someone elses? It smells. ***** I hate that smell. Its all over my face and my hands, I can feel it between my fingers. Get this stuff off of me. GET THIS STUFF OFF ME. Where is everybody? Where am I? Oh Christ its all over the pillow. Jesus ***** Christ! Where the ***** am I?

I cant move my arms, why cant I move my ***** arms? Im strapped down. For fucksake they have strapped me down like some sort of lunatic. I am not mad. Im a drug addict, and Im coming down, thats all Im coming DOOOOOWN. And I need . . . thank you thank you God, Bettes here. Bette. Bette tell them. Who is that? That is not good. Youre not suppose to do that. Im an addict for fucksake. No ones asked me what Im taking. Im on  . . .Im on  . . .NO! You never mix them  . . . Dont you know  . . .DONT YOU KNOW THAT? . . .          

Bette knows. Tell her, Bette. Bette? Tell her. No, no, its not alright. She doesnt know what shes doing. Youre wrong, youre wrong Bette, she doesnt know what shes doing. Please dont shake your head. Dont turn away from me. Shes drugging me, Bette. *****! Dont let that *****, *****! Let me  . . .Let me just get up. I know what it is I need. I need to get out of this place, thats what I need. She doesnt know whats shes doing. Shes ***** experimenting on me, cant you see what shes doing? Am I the only one who can see that?  . . .No . . . dont look at me like that. . . Bette. Bette..

No, stay. PLEASE STAY! Tell her . Tell her Bette. Tell her for pitys sake.

                   Shes going to kill me!

Before you slip into unconsciousness
I’d like to have another kiss
Another flashing chance at bliss
Another kiss, another kiss

The days are bright and filled with pain
Enclose me in your gentle rain
The time you ran was too insane
We’ll meet again, we’ll meet again


Oh tell me where your freedom lies
The streets are fields that never die
Deliver me from reasons why
You’d rather cry, i’d rather fly


The crystal ship is being filled
A thousand girls, a thousand thrills
A million ways to spend your time
When we get back, i’ll drop a line

(To Be Continued  . . . .)