“It was my fault.” She murmured, giving Dana a kiss on the cheek. “I smothered you. I tried so hard not too, but I when felt like I was about to loose you I couldn’t think straight”

“It was my fault, Alice.” Dana stated. She clearly wanted to let things out. “I was afraid. I got scared when I realized how much you loved me. I didn’t know if I could handle it. I was afraid I couldn’t give what you needed. It just started out so chaotic and intense and then it all went so fast. So I just ran.” She said this with complete clarity, a little embarrassed of what she just admitted. “And I wish I hadn’t.” For the first time Alice looked up, and they looked into each other’s eyes.

Alice hesitated. Deep down she was terrified to admit this. She was scared Dana might be put off by it, considering how crazily Alice acted in the past. “You know I still love you, Dane. Don’t you?” She whispered, her tears dripping down on Dana’s face as she spoke. Dana smiled through the tears.

“I know, Alice.” There was a melancholy look to her now. “I still love you too. You are the best thing ever in my life.”

–

There were constant dreams about Dana.

One night Alice woke up from the doorbell ringing. Irritated, she stood up to answer it. When she found Dana standing outside her door, she first got stunned. She couldn’t speak one word. Dana looked at her, her usual bright self. She took a step inside and gave Alice a wet kiss on the lips and grinned widely. The only sign of disease on her features was a BAND-AID on her cheek.

“Can you believe it, Al?!  I’m back! They told me it was some kind of mistake!” She exclaimed happily. All Alice could do was to pull her inside, kiss her and whisper ‘Yes, yes, yes’ as she lifted Dana up and pulled her close, so very grateful that this miracle could happen. So grateful that death wasn’t final.

And then she woke up.

Waking up from these kinds of dreams made Alice even more miserable. And they made her restless, because she became afraid to fall asleep and fool herself again. But then again, being awake wasn’t much better. She went to her old doctor, who gave her a prescription for sleeping pills, but Alice never collected them. She didn’t want to numb Dana away from her dreams. Painful as it was, she didn’t want to loose that connection. And she was afraid that she might swallow the whole bottle.