Pity.

When Tina went to the hospital the next morning to have breakfast with Bette, the room was crowded, she got scared, she never saw too many people in Bette’s room at that hour so she ran quickly and avoided some figures at the door recognizing everyone, Alice and Shane on one side, Peggy and Helena in front of the bed and then a boy, in his forties and she understood, he was Jackson Avery.

When Tina attracted attention since Bette gave her a warm good morning Helena approached the blonde ”I called you twice.”

”I’m sorry, my battery is dead.”

”well now it’s done, Bette is about to find out…” Helena whispered, while Jackson was busy showing images on the monitor ”me and mom have decided to do the surgery now it’s up to Bette, Tina…”

”fuck are you serious?”

”it’s for her own good, remember that”

Helena walked away and Tina felt like she was in a huge bubble, she listened to the procedure in pieces, that boy talked and talked, excited about splitting her body in two, he should have had plastic surgery, that’s what Helena had told him, then he ended up in cardiac surgery. Tina looked at Bette, she had her gaze fixed on Jackson, she was asking questions, about the procedures, about the rehabilitation, about everything, Bette was interested there was no doubt, she hadn’t even looked at Tina.

When it was all over then Bette turned her gaze to the blonde as a silent request, which Tina obviously understood, but she couldn’t say what she really thought, she couldn’t scream that she was scared to death for Bette’s health, for all the risks and the rest, so Tina looked away with cowardice.

”luckily for us you are recovering well from a small fever, we will check your values… think about it Bette… I know it’s not easy, but it’s a way to salvation if we can… you will have a few days to do it but don’t think about it too much, the risk of worsening or illnesses that then avoid the operation are around the corner.”

Bette nodded.

When Helena and Peggy left the room and Alice remained with Shane to ask Jackson questions, Tina quickly ran out. Bette saw her, she was furious, something was wrong, it wasn’t like Tina not to even deign to look at her.

”Helena no please” Tina shouted after the two women

”Tina what…” Tina pushed her and Peggy into the office slamming the door behind her.

”you can’t put her at risk like this, you…you can’t…”

”Tina honey…” Peggy began ”we’ve looked at the pros and cons…Bette doesn’t have many options…other than a life like this between hospitals…always uncertain about the future…who would want to live like this? Would you?”

”no of course not…”

”Bette is a warrior…” Helena butted in

”we are talking about a heavy operation Hel…”

”that can succeed.”

”and if it isn’t?”

”Bette will decide for her Tina…that’s all”

”no” Tina screamed and Helena met her gaze.

There was silence and then Peggy looked at her ”what’s wrong Tina? do you know Bette? did you know her before? now she seems like a lamb doesn’t she? But Bette…my Bette Porter was a panther, a lioness, we were all afraid of her..she was feared and desired at the same time. Strong and fragile but never helpless…and now she is…she is helpless, she is not the Bette I know.”

Tina had tears in her eyes, Bette’s pain broke her heart. There was another long silence in which Tina shed a small tear looking at Helena, she knew her well. The brunette watched her sit down sinking on the sofa and take her head in her hands.

”convince her not to do it Hel…” Tina whispered

”Why Tina? What scares you?” Helena asked her without understanding even if Peggy had already understood everything.

Tina looked up her face red, worried as if she hadn’t slept peacefully for months, a huge wrinkle on her forehead.

”Because I love her, I’m in love… and I can’t lose her.” Tina said determinedly and with desperation making the room fall silent.