”Why can’t you understand me Tina? I’m tired of all this, tired of life coming against me, killing me, pushing me to the bottom… do you see me? How can you love someone like that? With such a low perspective on life… with a pair of pajamas a day to face the day! Fuck… me… yes, maybe I have nothing to fight for here!”

Bette let it out loud, like a release, like an outburst, an unexpressed anger that perhaps she hadn’t been able to express with others and with Tina had now come out all over again.

”Angelica…” Tina whispered and Bette’s eyes burned again, a few heartbeats stopped for a second ”Angelica asks about you…” Tina said without trying to shed tears, whispering it, it was so complicated to talk to that little girl about Bette, about what she meant to her.

Bette bit her lip, bowing her head to her knees, Angelica was a sore point, the one that hurt her the most after Tina, because Angie was about Tina.

”you know I love her…” Bette could only say, ”and I love you too!” but Bette didn’t say that, she was too scared.

”it’s just to tell you that you have great support from… them…” Tina excluded herself from all of this, stupidly, without even understanding why.

She sighed meeting the brown eyes, it was all so painful, she was confessing her love and then? what had happened?

Tina started to walk away, going to get her bag that was on the table in the corner near the entrance, she felt empty.

”Tina I…” the blonde looked up, it would have been easy for Bette to let those words slip, get out of bed, hug that woman, feel her sweet lips, big enough to make anyone fall in love. ”I’m sorry, for who I am…for how I am…” Bette could barely speak ”I didn’t choose this for myself, to become like this, you don’t even know how different I used to be…”

”Bette I understand many things…but I don’t understand this self-pity…maybe I don’t know you well, but I know that you can’t be so charitable towards yourself.” Tina spoke confidently ”I saw you cry, I saw you smile, I saw you angry, weak and strong at the same time…I think I saw a big part of you even if you don’t want to admit it…but my feelings have nothing to do with it anymore. I’m an adult, I’m used to it.”