Tina sighed heavily, her hands in her pockets to protect herself as always ”I wanted to tell you that I will be with you whatever decision you make… I was wrong to pressure you, you are not obligated to undergo the operation, whatever you choose for yourself, I will support it.”

Bette felt lost, Tina’s sincerity was disconcerting, Bette was vulnerable now, she lowered her gaze a little blurry from tears.

”thank you…you mean a lot to me, even if I said otherwise…” she managed to say meeting Tina’s gaze again ”you mean a lot to me…”

Tina smiled with her lips, ”I wish you loved me” she thought to herself, but it wasn’t right.

”Well…” Tina felt embarrassed ”I have to go I have some post-op patients who are really sucking all my energy…”

”Sure, go ahead…I’ve made you waste too much time…thanks again…” Bette remained with her eyes glued to Tina, in that moment she felt that maybe she had some hope, that what she was telling others but especially herself wasn’t true.

That she had something to fight for, she had people around her who wanted her to be well, she felt her heart was full of Tina, full of that special and unique woman who had tiptoed into her life. In the MRI machine, Tina’s voice had calmed Bette’s panic, the thought of Angelica and Christmas had given a meaning to the Christmas that would arrive in less than three months.

Bette was considering spending Christmas at home, in her home, decorating with lights. This was a dream that she could no longer afford to live for two years.

But these thoughts ran through her mind so fast that not even a week later she was in the elevator with her bed staring at the floors passing by, Helena at her side along with De Luca and a nurse from the floor.

Today would be the day.

Bette had called Helena the afternoon before, she would have the surgery, she would risk it for her life, as long as it would be done without telling anyone, quickly, quickly and painlessly so she wouldn’t have to think about it again.

The only ones who knew were Alice and Shane as well as Peggy of course, Bette had wanted the word not to spread around the hospital.