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Lest I Forget (29)
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I wasn’t too concerned by this. Obviously it was something that worried me, but I felt that with myself, Alice and the rest of our friends and family being watchful, Kallie would be fine and that we’d be able to help her if anything ever happened. I suppose that I didn’t seem very worried at the time, which isn’t exactly true. I was concerned for Kallie, but Alice was fretting more than enough for the both of us.
It didn’t take nearly as long as I was expecting for the doctors to release Kallie. She had adapted very well to the pump, which was apparently very common in children her age. Before we took her home, Alice and I went and stocked up on healthy foods from the grocery store, as well as more diabetic supplies than we would probably ever really need.
I could tell that Alice was nervous about having her come home again. As we shopped, she kept an agitated silence and didn’t really answer me when I asked her something. I knew it was bothering her, and for as much as I’d been relieved when she’d focused on Kallie at the hospital, I was worried that her nervousness now would have a negative impact on Kallie’s return.
“It’s gonna be okay,” I told her quietly in the car on the way home from the grocery store. “She’ll be fine, and we’ll keep an eye on her all the time. Don’t worry.”
“You weren’t there,” she whispered. It was all she said.
“I know, and I’m sorry I wasn’t. I didn’t mean to be gone while she was so sick,” I replied, feeling a huge twinge of guilt at not having been there for both of them.
“No, it’s not that,” she whispered. “It’s just…I ignored it. I thought it was the flu. She could have died and I totally brushed it off like it was nothing.”
“Alice, there’s no way you could have known! It looks like the flu! Even the doctor thought that was what it was. You didn’t do anything wrong!” I protested, but she waved it away.
“I should have taken her in anyway. I failed her, Dana. I’m a bad mother.”
I sighed and pulled the car over to the curb so I could hug her. “You’re a great mother. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t feel so guilty right now. It wasn’t your fault, baby, I promise,” I whispered into her hair as she cried.
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MT. don’t worry about the comments. Just keep writing your story. I cannot get enough of your fine writing. It just seemed so real the way you write the scenes. I felt for Kallie and am glad that she adjusted so well. It is awfully dreadful for children that young to have to ensure so much suffering. Totally understood A feeling all guilty about it. The Hawaiian trip with Helena was an excellent idea. I hope A could resolve her feelings and coming back stronger to be there for her family. THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!
Another amazing chapter, MT!! I am so glad to see Alice making small but steady progress in her recovery and that she is thinking about the future, as well. Also that she is finding so many ways to communicate non-verbally — much of it due to Dana and Alice knowing each other so well. I got some giggles from the juice thing. I’m glad Charlie is doing well, too. That will be one less thing to stress out his mothers. Alice, Dana and their friends really stepped up to adjust to Kallie’s health needs. I feel so bad for Alice. The guilt must be horrible. Thank goodness Dana took a stand to get Alice to see she was pushing her family away. I hope the trip will help her get recharged and get her head straight. Wonderful story and meticulously written. Thanks, MT!!