She’d aged gracefully, and she was always a fucking loudmouth, but I thought it was great. She and Alice used to argue about everything under the sun, so much so that I sometimes wondered why they stayed friends. I liked the way she did that, though. It helped to calm me down when Bette would tell me what an idiot I was being at times. She kept doing that even after we all knew she was dying, mostly because I would let my emotions get the best of me and get weepy with her. She never told any of the others not to be sad, and she didn’t exactly tell me that either, but she did remind me that I knew how much it hurt and that she’d lived a full, good life and that there was no reason for me to mourn the fact that she was dying. She’d been of the belief that all told, it wasn’t the worst way to go out. Painful, but at least she knew.

I could see the sense in that, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. She knew that, and although I never said anything about it again, she seemed to know when I was sad and would hold my hand as I sat by her bedside toward the end. It was hard for the others to do since the cancer made her look so mangled by that point, but on the rare occasion she was able to say a few words to me she assured me that the pain meds were good and that she wasn’t hurting as badly as it seemed she was.

Toward the end, the others were unable to come visit her as much as might have liked them to. It was too sad, although they tried to make themselves, especially Tina and Angelica. It tore them up to see her dying, and eventually she asked me to tell them not to try to sit with her anymore. She still wanted them to come and see her when they felt up to it, but she hated knowing how sad they were and wanted them to stop focusing on her pain.

It was hard for everyone, but it wasn’t drawn out, which I suppose is something. Bette’s will was very straightforward and easy to understand, and everyone was taken care of in one way or another. She’d asked for a simple funeral and that was what we gave her, and every time I’ve been to visit her grave there are fresh flowers from one of us or another.