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Let Me In – 5
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Oh, that would go down so well with Tina. Pinpoint the whole emotional turmoil to some post-partum emotional upheaval.
Bette allowed the smallest laugh escape her lips, but it was empty, and hollow. It was still the first time she’d been able to laugh about something related to Tina.
She wished she could talk to someone. Tina wasn’t going to listen, she knew that already.
She wanted so much to just get angry, to throw a tantrum, have a go at Tina, have one of their pure, raw screamfests that characterized their earlier fights. It had been her first clue that what she felt for Tina was more than what she’d ever known before, when the smallest matter escalated to full fights. Often she just goaded Tina, reeling her in to fight with her, testing if Tina felt the same. Inevitably Tina caught on, and just stopped taking the bait of Bette’s inspired arguments.
She wished she could have those fights back. At least then she knew Tina was as emotionally-involved in their relationship as she was.
She wished Tina had fought more, just seconds ago. When she’d countered Bette’s claim that this was an 8-year dalliance, Bette had wanted to start a fight, beg Tina to prove her wrong.
But she knew she couldn’t. Inevitably the fight — any fight — would go back to the fact that she’d cheated on Tina. When everything had been fine — not good, but fine — she had gone behind Tina’s back and sought solace in someone else’s arms. Then again, maybe it was time it was discussed. She’d talked it to death with Kit, with Alice, with Shane. Not with Tina. Not to the person who mattered.
She wondered again if Tina fucked Josh Becker. She wondered if Tina even stopped for a second to think about it. She wondered if it tore Tina up inside as she watched herself make one mistake after another, not knowing how to stop the downward spiral. Bette wondered if it broke Tina’s heart if or when she thought of it, knowing she was ruining a big part of herself by being with someone else.
She wondered if Tina still thought of her commitment with Bette. What it would mean if she decided she wanted to have relationships with men.
For Angelica’s sake, if the worst came to pass, she wondered if she would she be able to stand being Tina’s friend, and see her in the arms of another person. Worse, with a guy. Would any of their friends be able to handle that? She doubted it. And she was sure to doubt that she could provide Tina to support she would need in that event.
In Tina’s mind, was she still her wife? Her partner? She wasn’t her lover, that’s for sure. Technically, did Tina still claims to her? Did she have claims on Tina?
Did she still have the right to demand Tina’s commitment, her loyalty?
She’d given benediction, now they had to both live with it. She just didn’t want Tina to have feelings for other people on their bed.
Her bed, now. Bette took a deep, shaky breath, controlling the tears that threatened to escape. She wouldn’t cry. Not now. Not when Tina could see her.
That had been her biggest mistake, allowing Tina to see her weakness, the pain she’d lived with since Tina left her. She’d let her defenses down for Tina, and allowed Tina’s sympathy have precedence over their need to work things out. They’d just jumped to the part where they wanted and needed each other, ignoring the obvious signs.
She didn’t want Tina’s pity. Her sympathy. Her compassion. Hell, she could very well stand not having any physical or sexual relationship with her right now.
She just wanted Tina to love her again.
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my poor heart…please post soon.
Tiff, I’m speechless. This is such emotional writing from both perspectives that still gives me hope that if IC has one ounce of the feeling put into these past two chapters at somepoint B&T will prevail. Pls keep it up, I know I am giong to need after next week.
thanks for 2 chapter in a day. i’m sad, but brilliant writing as always.
my poor heart as well… and no henry… we don’t want him… so send his ass home…
Tiff – thank you for the insight that we are never exposed to on the show. Did anyone else think it was astonishing that Bette did not question her about Josh? I guess seeing “Betty” for half of the show was more important! Personally I have seen enough of them to last my entire life.
Enjoy your stories including this one but i must admit even though this is bette’s prespective i see itmore of what tina’s feels and thinks. I know everybody is saying LH is doing what IC wrote but so is JB so I will continue to voice my displeasure toward Tina not LH. I guess S3 Tina is having a little commitment problem first bette, than Josh and now she has found henry.
Hi Tiff, I love your artistic freedom! Please post soon, it does my heart well!
so sad but keep writing–ic and the writers have goofed for sure with tina and bette;don’t think they care what we feel need to see this rare love–of coarse tjhe girls are only doing what is written for theit chacacters–i keep hoping something will change for the good in s3
I think Henry is the one that Tina ends up with, Bette will get her day,what goes around comes around. thanks
tiffyou write great but this who;e situation bites.
You have captured the feelings of both women. Feel sorry for them and all of us that are witnessing this tragic heartbreak of a story. Thanks for the post.
This story sounds so much like both of these women want each other in their lives. They just do not know how to find their way back to each other. Neither one of them can get along without the other, but will they ever be able to put their lives back together with each other?
Always love to read your take on B&T. Beautifully written.
this was heart breaking…B&T so need to talk to each other…their problem is that they don’t trust that the other is willing to listen…make them talk please and get another chance
I have to say Tiff, I am actually on Tina’s side a lot of the time. I hate that B&T aren’t together, but with the life they have been given by IC, I think its a fairly typical reaction to be unable to trust and love your partner the same way once someone has cheated. Tina is totally entitled to her anger and resentment. However, there is a level of cruelty there that seems a tad unneccesary. Anyway, so for the rant, but thanks for portraying a somewhat unpopular view of Tina in your story. Your writing was fabulous once again.
TD, That was traumatic and moved me to tears. All of the if-onlys were there. All of the what-ifs were there. All of the might-have-beens were there. The thing that upsets me most about this storyline is the acceptance of the breakdown of this relationship. There is no fight in either Bette or Tina for this union. Total resignation and confusion are the only emotions that I have felt from the last couple of episodes. Where is the passion? Where is the desire? Where is the others be dammed just go for what you want attitude? At least you are managing to explain and flesh out the reasons behind this indifference. Sobbing and breaking my heart. I can hope that it is an extreme case of Post Natal Depression for Tina. Thank you for writing the hard stuff. Your Loyal Fan.
i hate when b&t juz can’t be together.*sigh
Yeah, if I were Bette, I’d also wonder if it’s a correct decision to put down all the walls and let Tina in completely. How could Bette trust Tina again even if Tina came to her sense and wanted to be back?
beautifully done.
Excellent.
I want Tina to love her again, too. S3 is seriously draining me! Nonetheless, fantastic chapter.
Wonderful as always Tiff! You do the inner dialogue we never get on the show so well – which is why i love it when you do a riff on the scenes we see. (and why I occaisionally hassle you for your version of perspective) Love your stuff TiffySkipton – when do we get your riff on Tiffs Riff?
This is so fucking sad and break my heart, just want they be together and happy again!