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Let Me In – 6
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But we weren’t. She treated me like shit. I was second to fucking everything then. Her work. Her father. She dismissed me completely, and I totally let her.
"Hello, Angelica? It’s your Momma B calling."
Then
"I just wanted to call you to tell you that I love you. And I miss you."
I wonder if I’m supposed to hear this at all. Then I realize how else is Angelica supposed to hear this?
"I just, I can’t stand this anymore. I’m supposed to be on this silent retreat and everything just seems so loud. My loneliness is just so loud. And I can’t stand it. I just want to come home. I want my art. I want my books. I want my things. I want my house."
Always about you, huh, baby?
"I just want to kiss you goodnight."
That hurts. Knowing I’m not the person who can give her that comfort. Then the part that kills me follows.
"I want my life back."
I know I’m to blame for that. I’m the one who wouldn’t fit in the nice little compartment of her life.
And she continues.
"I want."
Even through the phone, I can feel her break down, and I ache to be able to be there for her, to hold her and promise that everything would be fine now.
"I want."
But I don’t think that’s my place anymore.
"I want."
She wants Angelica, her daughter.
"I want. I want."
She says it over and over.
I want.
I want to rip the machine off its cord, throw it against the wall and destroy the house she misses so much. Her art. Her fucking books. Her things. I want to go through her clothes and destroy her precious suits, the expensive blouses. The boots she bought before her credit ran out.
I want to go to the bedroom, tear the fucking door apart, for betraying me and giving me what I wanted.
I want to tear the sheets off the bed I no longer recognize and had been kicked out of.
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heartbreaking, but true, I would only hope that Tina will think deep enough to get to the love that they used to feel…she is the only one who can reach bette and bette her…pls keep going
Why is it that we all know that Bette meant that message for Tina as well as Angelica? Perhaps more for Tina than Angelica. You certainly can write. I am happy that you haven’t decided to stop writing.
This is some impressive deep shit. Please continue. I love how you have portrayed Tina.
Great chapter! I do hope Tina would think this way. But now I even doubt if she likes Bette anymore… =(
Tiff, I LOVE what you did with the whole I want thing. When I was watching the show, I was almost embarrassed for Bette (although truth be told, most things Bette does of late makes me cringe) but I like the way that you spun it to Tina. That whole thing was really cool. Another thing I liked was how you worked Eric into it. The Bette back then was unstoppable. But I think one of the greatest flaws of IC and the show is that somewhere along the line, the characters changed TOO dramatically. I expect that characters will develop over the years/season, but it is not even believable that people would change as much as Tina, who has gone from being a doormat to this high profile business exec to Bette who has become the doormat. Alright, I’m getting off my soapbox! As always, thanks for your time and effort to these stories, they truely are appreciated!!!
Truly beautiful and genius and heartbreaking. And deep as hell.
My feeling about the message was it had to have been for both Tina and Angelica. Angelica can’t exactly check her messages and I think right now Bette probably feels the only way she may be allowed to express her love to Tina is through Angelica. Or not. Who the hell knows what IC is thinking about or if she is thinking when shes creating these scenarios.Hope to see more soon.
tiff..you are killing me. Slap the two silly women and make them wake up, please!
Tiff – amazing as always. I keep hoping this season is someones nightmare- instead of the fans.
Very moving and beautifully written.
It’s nice to see a version of Tina’s inner conflicts being expressed. Your making some sense of it all. Look forward to the next one.
One thing I need to mention here that actually made me giggle: ‘Wow. Taking birth control medication while in a lesbian relationship. I am so fucking brilliant.’ I take BC pills for regulation purposes (went on them per doctor’s recommendation LONG before I realized I’m gay). But I’m not currently dating either so…meh nevermind I’m half-asleep. lol Anyway, Tina’s realization that she only wanted a man for sex reminds me of the last guy I was with. He actually considered himself to be bisexual, but said he’d never date a guy because in his words, “guys are insane.” Yet if he was single he’d have sex with one who tickled his fancy. I’ve actually heard that to be called “heteroflexible” (straight, but not opposed to the occassional same-sex fling). Maybe Tina is “homoflexible?” For the record I’m speaking of the Tina you’ve laid bare for us and not the Tina from the show.
heartbreaking…but i actually thought that even though bette was calling angie, she was actually crying for tina and telling all those things to her and not just angie
Press play on that answering machine again Tina. Excellent chapter, as always, tiff_duke. I actually cannot believe how much energy S3 takes from me.
You’ve given voice to the thoughts we all hope Tina has in her head. Great stuff, thanks.
Cheers Tiff, are we ever going to get a good honest to god conversation face to face with Tina and Bette one or two of the most important decisions have always been by telephone and messages left on the answering machine, take Tina calling Bette in Season 2 when she is at the beach Tina leaving a message on their machine saying she wanted Bette to be involved in the baby’s life, I always felt this should have been a face to face talk, major decision, its these litte snippets that have may shaking my head, there is no continuity whats so ever. Are we going to gets Tina’s reaction to Bette’s message, I wont hold my breath, because I would probably die, Laughs, anyway, love what you are doing Tiff and thank you.
TD, I feel like my heart has been torn out of my chest and stood on as I read this latest chapter. What a wderful way to bring the misery and torment of Bette into Tina’s head. The replay of the episode dialogue was perfectly matched by all of the additions you made. Maybe in this version Tina will listen to the voice in her heart telling her which way to turn and whcih road to follow. It is down to your flair and attention that these developments are so believable in complete contrast to the show. Please post soon and bring a little hope to this depressing scene. Your Loyal Fan.
T.D., it occurs to me that even though Bette didn’t mention Tina by name, she did say she wants her life back. Isn’t Tina implicitly a part of that yearning?
Simply brilliant, deep and heartbreaking. I read everything you write – even if it hurts.
This is sad and I agree with honda90 and let see what’s next, thanks!
this was very moving i hope tina finds her love for bette again post soon
Tiff this was everything I imagined from you when I sent my politely worded request. You – like no other – give us insight into Tina. & you are one of the Few writers prepared to work with the Tina we’re given on screen. & the best bit about it is that i know LH would do great things with what you write!Thank you!
TD– Thanks for the giving S3 Tina insight as we obviously not going to see it on the show. I have love Tina’s Character since S1 and it is killing me what is going on this season. Its nice for a talented writer like yourself to try to make sense of what we have been seeing week in and week out on this show. Lets hope that the TPTB have the same idea in mind as what you written. Please post soon and Update Then and Now as well, thanks.
heart wrenching…
I’m in agreement with most everyone here. I believe Bette’s message was intended for Tina too. Tina’a insight was also well written. It’s good to see the inner turmoil that she’s experiencing. I hope they can reach one another instead of shutting each other out completely. Thanks for the update..always a pleasure reading your stories.
I agree with most of it, but I felt the anguish in Bette’s confession “I want.” It was as if she needed to say “I want Tina” or I want your mother to love me,” but she didn’t feel she had the right to ask. The women have crushed each other. They are both at the end of their ropes. Neither one knows how to ask the other for what they want. Neither one knows how to reclaim what is theirs. They are now turning their individual frustrations with themselves on themselves. They need a mediator to show them they are currently equally f–ked up and therefore currently equals. If they are to share a relationship and survive, the MUST be equal partners. Their decline started when they changed their “partner” dynamics in season one in preparation for their ill-fated first pregnancy. Yhere must be balance as well as love.
Ouch. That was painful and wonderful at the same time. I’ve been reading all your posts and wanted to thank you for writing. Your stories are wonderful.