“I’m sorry. I’ve been putting too much pressure on you and I’m moving too fast. Maybe we should just-”

“I can’t! Okay?! Just forget it! I can’t. It’s too hard. I don’t want to be with you.”

After Angelica’s birth.

Every day was easier to get up in the mornings, after six months of grieving, her loss didn’t seem so painful now. Well, the pills did wonders and it didn’t hurt adding a couple more to what the doctor said.

Now, Alice was more light-hearted. No worries, no dreams or nightmares, nothing that could trouble her state of mind. Okay, so she was in cloud number nine and feeling no pain at the time, but she was more than happy to pay the price to be able to forget her misery. Even if just for a couple of hours.

But when the effect of the pills wore down, was when her world fell down. The loneliness made the memories come back and the tears wouldn’t stop till sleep claimed her, something that lately was difficult to achieve.

So as to prevent her mind from going back down memory line, she occupied herself during those sleepless nights listening the news on KCRW. That way she wouldn’t be able to listen to love songs; or any song with the words love, friendship, relationship, loneliness, pain, heartbreak, tears…

However, sometimes it’s impossible to avoid the inevitable and to Alice that meant luck wasn’t on her side this time around.

Between unconsciousness and wakefulness, the dreams made an appearance as the lyrics of a song began playing on the radio. Words making her experience the pain again, reliving one of her worst nightmares.

“Ever since you left me

I’ve been trying to hide the pain

Painting on a smile with lipstick”

While the images formed on her mind, the tears began running down her closed eyes.

Three months ago.

“Putting on a big charade

So difficult to keep pretending

It’s getting harder everyday”

It was Wednesday morning, even though for Alice, it could be any other day. Lately, nothing mattered. She was on autopilot, going from home to work and back again. Work was the only thing that made her wake up in the mornings, now she didn’t have anything else.