She wanted to go about her home gathering everything that belonged to Marissa, clothes, books, DVDs, electronics, bath essentials, pictures of her, etc. everything that was not hers and throw them into the living room on the floor. That feeling of anger turned in her belly so strongly that she had no choice other than to make this decision for her own health. She’d shakily poured herself a large drink, one that she would take the time to finish, because there really was no need for inebriation at this point, just a calming agent. She’d sat on her couch weighing out the benefits and disappointments of this relationship and each part on the good side had at least three disappointments attached to it. There was nothing good about being with each other anymore and they both knew that. This feeling of disappointment fell over Bette that she realized, somewhere there had to be a failure, someone was to blame for this one. And like her other relationships she blamed herself. Maybe her time management could have been better, maybe she could’ve taken a better interest in the things that appealed to Marissa. So many maybe’s and what if’s that all she could do was put her head back against the couch and let her mind go where she couldn’t stop it. Her mind had played out so many scenarios where she could’ve come home early but her commitment to her patients and her practice far outweighed her need to see this relationship succeed. These instances she knew she was wrong, but they felt justified at the time. 

She could’ve cut back on the time she spent at the hospital helping out the other doctors and teaching the residents, but she enjoyed teaching and Marissa knew that, she’d even said that she understood her completely. But in truth, to put in the work her relationship needed, she knew she had to be willing to drop something from her life, but she just didn’t want to. She always thought that Marissa would be right there to understand that her time was valued amongst others as well as herself. It wasn’t until recently that she noticed that Marissa was hardly home anymore and that she was constantly short with her, even when they’d only passed each other in the hallway rather than speak to one another.