…………………………………….

Bette was seated upright with her hands firmly planted on the wheel she made no attempt to engage Tina in conversation. Other than her usual line of questions she had no idea what to talk about with Tina. She’d never asked her patients about their personal lives unless otherwise provoked, she saw no real need to know their business unless it conflicted with their health or the baby’s. She’d certainly never had any of them in her car before, without her office or even her coat on she felt open around Tina, almost vulnerable. So she concentrated on the road ahead instead of on the woman in her usually empty passenger seat. 

Tina on the other hand was very comfortable around her doctor. She never would’ve guessed that she was the cause of consternation within her doctor at this very moment. Everything around Bette seemed so clean and ordered that she guessed that the complete concentration on driving, the overwhelmingly clean car, her perfect hair and clothing at such an hour was nothing new to the doctor. She imagined that Bette must’ve lived in a bubble to protect herself from germs and dismay. This in turn made her smile. Of course Bette noticed it out of the corner of her eye and she began to relax a little, knowing that the blonde was comfortable around her enough to enjoy something. Tina asked her a question, nothing heavy, just an observation about her car that seemed to ease them into a less tension filled environment. From there they talked casually, even allowed a joke between them that was a bit coarse for some but they both enjoyed it. Tina began to relax further into her seat seeing Bette in a new light helped her ease her mind and talk freely with her.

“You never wanted kids?”

“No, God no. I can’t see myself going through half of what I see my patients going through.”

“The delivery?”

“It’s part of it, but I mean the real stuff after that. There’s something almost terrifying about being a mother.” Bette spoke candidly. “The instincts you inevitably develop will never leave you, whether they’re 4 or 40 you still have this animalistic need to protect them from everything. Almost predatorily.”  Tina smiled but her mind dropped at the answer. Was that true? Was this baby going to change everything about her? Who was she going to be when it did come? “And on top of that you have the responsibilities that go along with having a child, the early morning feedings, their well being is a constant concern. There’s check up, shots, scans, medicines, creams, and you have acquaint your body and mind to this helpless little person that is dependent upon you for …”