Tina remained silent thinking in her head the same thoughts that plagued her all throughout her pregnancy. Staring off into the wall behind Bette’s head she for the first time ever, spoke them into existence.  “I think I bullied him into not having children.“ she felt Bette’s hands freeze on her body and the loss of friction brought just her eyes onto Bette’s. “He was so giving and wonderful that I think he just agreed to it because he knew that I never wanted kids. I’m not a mother, Bette.” Bette had picked up on the fact that right then was the first time she’d ever called her Bette, not Dr. Porter with a smile or nervousness laced in her voice, just ‘Bette’. It made her a little sad that this memory was tied to such a gloomy moment. She’d never heard anyone say her name with such anguish in their voice. Tina felt better just having said that much, these thoughts were something that she’d thought died a long time ago, like maybe with the birth of the baby came new memories of happier times spent discussing children and their future together, but the reality of the situation is that she’d never wanted children. Rick tried and tried unsuccessfully to convince Tina that she‘d be a great mother, but growing up the way she did, she never wanted to give that type of sorrow to anyone.

She felt the sting of another wave of tears pull from her and she dropped her head back and away from Bette and her hands now clutching her fist tighter and tighter forcing the sting of pain away from her.  Bette took her hands apart and gave Tina her hands instead. Like instinct she squeezed them trying to keep herself together in front of Bette, she’d clenched her jaw and even trembled through her tensed muscles, but she couldn’t. Finally she wailed out loud and released Bette’s hands as she finally let go of it all. She cried as she looked into the eyes of this woman, who was relentlessly holding tight to her position in front of Tina. Bette was rooted to this spot, she felt like she needed to be right there for this patient of hers.  Tina sniffled, her eyes causing unrelenting emotional hiccups. Bette reached into her pocket and pulled out a fresh handkerchief, she took it and gently wiped off Tina’s face. Tina’s eyes closed at the radiant warmth coming through the material, running across her cold face.  Tina brought her hand onto Bette’s as she looked her in the eyes. What she saw was genuine concern, it was apparent in all the subtle quietness of her presence.