“I can’t sleep,” Alice finally whispered.

“Since you got the letter?”

“What letter?”

Bette realized that this had nothing to do with the letters they’d gotten from the attorney handling Dana’s estate that summoned them to a meeting next Monday afternoon. Whatever was driving this renewed heartbreak was much bigger and had been looming over Alice since the day Dana died. Bette wondered why she hadn’t put it together before now. This was six months of grief backing up on itself and it had finally imploded.

“Why can’t you sleep?”

“I don’t want to have the dream. To relive what I did.”

“I don’t understand Al. What did you do?”

Alice slowly opened her eyes and looked vacantly toward Bette.

“I can’t. If I tell you, you’ll hate me.” With that she closed her eyes and shook her head, her brow furrowed.

“I could never hate you.”

“You don’t know,” Alice said simply. “You just don’t know.”

“I’m hungry,” Bette said unconvincingly. “I’m going to heat some soup.”

She moved to the kitchen, found a can of Chicken and Stars, typical Alice, and quickly put it on the stove. Between stirs and pulling out a bowl, she surreptitiously sent a text to Helena saying she was with Alice and that she was in rough shape. When it was ready, Bette took the soup to Alice, who shook her head, but Bette insisted. Taking a seat on the sofa next to her, Bette raised the spoon to Al’s lips and fed her until she’d gotten half the bowl into her. Setting the bowl on the floor, Bette drew closer, taking Alice into a warm, firm embrace. Though she stiffened, Alice did not completely resist the gesture of comfort.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice that you didn’t have so much as a spoonful,” Alice said wryly as she tried to relax into Bette’s arms.

“It’s good to know you’re still in there,” Bette said as she laid her head atop Alice’s. “Whatever this is, it’s consuming you from the inside out. You have to take the power out of it and tell someone, whether it’s me or Helena…or…”

“…or?” Alice cocked her head slightly. “A shrink? A priest?”

“I was going to say anyone, smartass. Just tell anyone. Get it out and go from there.”