It felt good to stretch her legs, to concentrate on breathing and not tripping, to empty her mind. After about thirty minutes of steady, but not especially rigorous, hiking, Tina rounded a curve and saw beautiful Washoe Valley laid out before her. The lake sparkled blue and the grass shone green in the late afternoon sunlight. The hills forming the eastern edge of the valley glowed faintly orange in the waning light. The vista wasnt vast or glorious, but it was heartwarming and peaceful. Exactly what Tina sought.

She found a boulder to perch on, with wildflowers all about her, the air tinged with their subtle scents. For quite a while, she simply sat, taking in the undramatic beauty before her. Living in LA was exciting and energizing, but it lacked the soul-nurturing qualities of more rural areas.

In time, Tinas thoughts turned to her conversation with Bette. It seemed a lifetime ago, though mere hours had passed. Then again, the topic was about a life that was no more. Thats how it felt to Tina”that the life she and Bette had been living was gone. She had to admit to herself that it might not be a horrible thing to allow that life to be dead, after all.

Looking back, she could see that their marriage had been on its last legs, even if neither of them had noticed until it came crashing down around them. And she, herself, had not been as whole as she let Bette believe. She had deep cracks that she had been hiding from Bette, as surely as Bette had been hiding her brokenness from Tina.

What went wrong? How did we allow our relationship to deteriorate so badly? When did we stop paying attention? She mulled these questions over in her mind, trying to think back to the last time she had truly felt happy in her marriage.

She supposed it was when she and Bette and first decided to go ahead and have a baby. They had been so solid then, and felt it was the right time to expand their family. They had both felt that way, hadnt they? Yes, it was a completely mutual decision. She was sure of it.

Then it turned out not to be so easy to find the right donor, or to get pregnant, or to lose the baby. Somewhere in there, they had lost their solidity. She remembered telling Bette that was beginning to question Bettes love for her, so she was trying to concentrate on herself. Thathad been a mistake. Not so much the telling, but the shift in focus. She should have fought for Bettes attention, for her love. She should have demanded that she and Bette work through their fears together. Because by the time they lost the baby, they were already so estranged that the sorrow drove them apart, not together.