Could she really blame Bette for breaking? She was under so much strain at work, and she hadnt been there to help her, really. And I wouldnt let her help me. Tina realized that she had run away long before yesterday. Shed thrown herself into her volunteer work, trying to find her own salvation. Everybody mourns in their own way, and she had not recognized Bettes way, which was to bury the emotions and try to forget.

She could never forget her own surprise when Bette had finally cried about their son on national television. Tina had felt so awful to have really thought that Bette wasnt sad about the baby just because she hadnt cried. It shouldnt have taken Faye Buckleys monstrous accusations for Bette to cry. It should have taken Tina making it safe for Bette to express her grief.

But what about the affair? Was she prepared to accept that Bettes affair with Candace was only a symptom of Bettes pain, and not a betrayal? Because it certainly was a betrayal of their promises to one another. Tina had never been with another woman, and never wanted to be. Bette had been with so many women, it had taken Tina a long time to feel secure in Bettes attraction and love for her. And now, at the height of her own feelings of inadequacy because of the pregnancy and baby, Bette really had turned to another for *****. Could Tina ever feel secure again? Was she willing to try?

What other choice was there? To leave Bette and try to start a life without her? To try and find a new love?

And what about their child, the one she carried now? The one Bette didnt know about? She felt some guilt about not having told Bette. She could see now that not telling her was another result of her own self-centeredness. She had come to think of the baby as being hers, not theirs. Would Bette have strayed if she had known about the baby?

Their baby. Didnt Tina owe it to her unborn child to make sure it had both parents? Then again, she owed it to herself to be happy. And Bette could be in the babys life without the being together. But what of her dream to have a family with Bette? Could Tina give up on that so easily? Wasnt that worth fighting for?

Thats what it came down to, really. Whether or not Tina valued her life with Bette enough to fight for it, to fight to make it work, to fight for the happiness they used to have and she wanted to have again. What did she want in the deepest recesses of her heart?

As the sun sank behind her and shadows filled the valley below, Tina felt tears come to her eyes once more. She had examined her heart and could not deny that she still loved and wanted Bette. She needed her. It was as simple as that, really. She needed Bette. Tinas heart felt lighter with this realization. Her path was clear – she would fight for the love of her life, for her life of love.