I gently pulled away from my past that was sitting next to me on my couch and stood to walk toward my future that was lingering in my doorway.

I honestly did not imagine that this would be how the first introduction went. My plan was to introduce her to Kit first. But you know what they say about best laid plans.

When I returned to the sitting room to deliver the diaper bag, I heard you comment on Angie’s signing. I had hoped you were excited that our daughter was so quick to pick it up at only 2 years old. As I stood there next to Jodi and Angelica, I got the feeling that your seemingly innocuous comment that Jodi “must be spending a lot of time here” was more of a realization for you.

I was trying to decipher the look on your face from where I was standing. Your smile was tight; forced. Needless to say, there was an air of awkwardness as I realized for the first time the role reversal was finally upon us, and you were the parent on the outside looking in on the family that I had always wanted. Only I didn’t force you to take a photograph of this moment.

Once Jodi made her way to my kitchen, you and I exchanged pleasantries and a diaper bag. I picked up Boo from her highchair and peppered her with kisses before handing her off to you. You asked me if it was okay that you were leaving Angie with Henry this evening since he had Mikey this weekend so that you could come to Kit’s show. I told you that was fine, smirking on the inside trying to figure out if you brought them up to remind yourself of your chosen family or as a tool to get a rise out of me again before you left.

Reason won out over both of those inappropriate suppositions and I recognized that you genuinely wanted to make sure it was okay since half our nanny team would be at the show with us while the other half was suspended indefinitely for crimes against my sister.

I watched as you carried Angie to your car and she waved at me over your shoulder the entire way until you settled her into her car seat. There was a pang of loss I experienced as I waved back. Did I miss my moment with you just now? Is it possible that someday, somehow, you and I can ever make amends and be that family we always talked about when we held each other in post-coital perspiration during those nights we dreamed of our future together?

I shook my head with a long sigh and walked back inside in search of my swimsuit, and prepared myself to face my polyamorous companion about her upcoming evening.