“And now ?”

“I don’t drink – I cannot  – its not a big deal. Your dad likes a beer and a shot now and again but he’s not got the taste for it that he used to”

Tina was genuinely shaken up “Mom – I just don’t know what to say “

“There is nothing you can say sweetie. It is what it is for me like it is for Bette”

“Mom – wow “

“What – you thought that I just went back to baking cakes for the summer fayre and nothing changed for me.  You lost Bette for five years – I lost Jack for three times that long. Yes it was hard and it sucked but I got on with it – like you probably did when you found out that you were pregnant with Angie and you had no partner. Kennard women are strong – they have to be  “

Tina nodded “I was doing it to spare her the pain of every month going by and me not getting pregnant. I wanted to get pregnant for her as well as for me. Finding out that she had cheated devastated me “

Like you must have been when dad killed David and was sent to jail Tina thought remorsefully. Tina sighed and threw herself back in the chair and closed her eyes.

“Its obvious that Bette worships the ground you walk on -that’s been a huge thing in helping us accept who you are and the life that you now have. Do you care if Angie grows up to be into boys or girls ?”

Tina opened her eyes “I want her to be happy and in a relationship where she is respected and loved”

“Would you say that Bette respects and loves you ?”

“Yes – you made your point. I just – I have been so entrenched for so long mom in how I felt about everything. I didn’t tell Bette “

Her mother looked at her and smiled sweetly “ You didn’t want to be known as the girl whose daddy killed her boyfriend ?”

“No – I moved to LA and had the abortion and tried to get on with my life. I started at a movie production company and I was smart and pretty and not above flirting a little. I was keeping busy so I didn’t have to think about the mess I had left behind in Carolina and the mess that I had left inside me. I was pretty sure that I was gay – I just could not face it — I suppressed it like I did what had happened with David – meeting Bette made me face the part about my sexuality – the other thing just got pushed deeper and deeper. By NOT talking about it — even to Bette I never questioned what I was thinking and feeling. It took telling Bette and Bette saying to me “It wasn’t your fault “ – for her to say that – for anyone to say that to me was the first time I had thought that since it happened. I am still coming to terms with that “

“It wasn’t your fault Tina. You were a beautiful, popular and confident 17 year old. Maybe if you had felt more comfortable exploring your feelings – maybe if we had not been so rigid. There are so many maybe’s Tina. – too many to make sense of “

“Too many people have suffered for too long” Tina said

“Would you have come out sooner if you hadn’t been afraid of your dad and I ?”

Tina shrugged “I don’t know – I do think that there was a destiny to Bette and I. I like that she is my first and last . Bette and I have a fate  – one that life hasn’t been able to crush I know that we are going to spend our lives together “

“Well you have a lovely partner – she is stunningly beautiful and just seems to me to be so humble and kind “

“She’s the greatest – I am lucky that she was my first girlfriend because she was so kind and understanding and I am even luckier now to have found our way back to each other and we are going to get old together – like you and dad “