‘Carmen, I mean it,’ Shane grabbed her arm by the wrist, iron in her grip.

Carmen turned to look at her. ‘What’s the fucking point of talking to him?! Huh? He knows I’m gay, that’s it. I can’t fucking change it Shane!’ Carmen said, raising her voice.

‘Yeah, he knows but he doesn’t understand a single thing of it. He’s probably blaming me for it, thinking that I turned you gay or something.’

‘So what?.. Huh? You want me to talk to him so it’ll make you feel better?’

‘No, because it’d make you feel better.’ She squeezed Carmen’s wrist tighter in her fist. Carmen looked up at Shane. Shane’s stare was so honest that it made Carmen feel smaller than she already was. ‘Don’t you want to know how he knows?’ Shane asked, her voice so much lighter this time, her hand slowly grazing up Carmen’s arm. Her eyes were big, surrounded by long thick lashes. Green in black. Carmen sighed and forced herself to look away, knowing too well what effect they had on her. She knew Shane was telling the truth, that she wanted what was best for her, and right now she fucking hated that about her.

‘Why is it so important to you?’

‘Because..,’ Shane moved her hand up to her shoulder, long fingers playing with a lock of Carmen’s hair, ‘Because I know how much you love him.. and your family. I can see it in your eyes every time you talk about them.’ She sucked at her bottom lip before continuing, eyes looking elsewhere, ‘And I don’t want you to run away from it just because you’re scared.’

‘Sounds like you know what you’re talking about.’

‘Carmen..,’ there was no anger in her voice, just disappointment, and that was even worse. ‘I mean it. After meeting Charlie today I just realized that.. I know nothing about him. And he knows nothing about me. We share the same blood but that’s it. But then I think of you and Julian, and the connection you guys have.. and,’ Shane paused, swallowing with visible effort, ‘I lost it Carm, OK? I lost everything. And I don’t want you to lose it too.’

Carmen closed her eyes, resting her forehead against Shane’s shoulder for a moment. ‘Let’s not do this right now,’ Carmen said softly, shaking her head, her voice thick with emotion. Shane kept awfully quiet and without looking up, Carmen knew that she’d hurt her. ‘I just really want to go to bed. Please?’ she said, her fingers touching Shane’s, circling around her thumb, silently begging. For a second Shane closed her eyes, and it was all the agreement that Carmen needed.