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Oasis Part 15
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It was all my damned fault.
“Katherine Porter, that is your sister it would be kind of you to remember that before you fuck with her.” Peggy said, her voice almost calm and conversational. The most dangerous predator is the one who is calm, cool and collected.
Throwing her hands in the air dramatically, Kit stood up. “That is my sister there,” she points at me, “who may be told tomorrow that she is going to die. Don’t you think she should grow up and accept it rather then run away like a cowardly child?”
Did my sister just point the bone at me?
I know I should but in, that I should say something, but it’s like my voice has been stolen from me.
Helena, who is usually one of the least confrontational people jumped to her feet and marched purposely into Kit’s space.
“Of all the ignorant and cruel things to insinuate,” Helena started, her finger at the ready to start tapping to Kit’s chest. “The ugliest words you could have used in this situation.” Instead of tapping her chest, Helena starts to push at Kits shoulder.
“She is not,” she emphasised loudly, “going to find out she is dying tomorrow. Do never. Ever. Mention that again.”
Turning on her heel, she made to walk out of the room with tears in her eyes.
“STOP.” I yelled, finally finding my voice. Couldn’t it have come back before the confrontation?
6 pairs of eyes locked on me, making me nervous. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” There is only a perceptible shift in their tensions, which means I am going to have to itemise my apologies.
“I’m sorry I ran to Australia without telling you; I’m sorry you were unhappy that I went to Africa.” At that, Kit snorted, drawing our attention.
“You’re sorry we were upset? Not for going?” Kit sarcastically asked.
Cocking my head, I regarded her for a moment. “I will never regret going Kit. I enjoyed my time, I met some amazing people and for a few months I got to live. Why would I regret it.”
“If you die, you would have missed out on that time with us, your family. You’re selfish Bette!” Came the loud and heartfelt accusation.
I don’t know what to say, and the room is silent… “I think I earnt the right Kit.”
Now what? Clearly I didn’t anticipate the level of anger Kit had towards me.
“I don’t want to die Kit.” I cried, tears collecting in my eyes. I look away, no longer able to keep eye contact with her. Instead I turn to Peggy and Helena who had moved over to her mother. “I just keep on thinking that if I do stuff, dying wont be so bad.”
Pulling my legs up, I once again hug them close to my body. “I’m so scared that… that I’ll find out. They’ll tell me. I’m just scared, and I didn’t want to bring anyone down with me.”
Burying my head in my knees I whisper, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Eventually arms wrap around me, pulling me closer.
“Bette darling, it’ll be okay.” Peggy, it was Peggy who was holding me. The closest woman to a mother I had ever had.
“I’m sorry, please believe me.” I sobbed into her shoulder.
Another pair of arms wrapped around me, holding me tightly. “It’s okay Bells, you aren’t alone. It’s okay.”
I don’t know how long we sat like that, but at some point I felt a hand on my face. Opening my eyes, I came face to face with my sister.
“I’m sorry baby girl. I love you.”
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Once again I am in awe…Bette’s so beautifully real. The fear and the sadness and the guilt are so tangible. And her family’s reaction is also so real. I just love how you’ve transformed these characters to have true depth. I think thats the most difficult part in creating a character this idea of making them have dimensions as a real person would. The fact that people aren’t perfect is what draws me to your stories. They are flawed but still manage to be able to care and love one another as a family wouldAnyways wonderful amazing job as always. Thanks for the inspiration!
I agree with TKGirl. I know everyone is scared..but Kit is wrong. So Bette is supposed to sit and stare at the wall, and let everyone come over and fuss over her and look sad, so that THEY feel better, until she dies? Regardless of what BETTE wants and needs? Her wishes don’t matter? Whose life is it? I think Bette has the right to live out however many days she has left doing what SHE wants to do. That does not mean she doesn’t love her family but it is her life!! I couldn’t believe that Kit was telling Bette how to feel and act if she should get the news that she hasn’t much longer to live. Telling her she is being immature! I think Helena and Peggy are really being the most supportive, letting her feel what she wants to and giving her space. Kit and the rest..not so much.
Ah, Bette. I know everyone else is scared for her, but no one could be more scared than she is herself. Everyone else just has to realise that. I can see why being away, living her life is an attractive option, but sometimes you have to just face what life brings. Hopefully her friends and Kit will help her do just that without suffocating her. Good update, thanks.
Beening afraid to die,is the wrost thing that can happen to a person. Bette is still young,if she was in her 90. dying you dont let it bother you a lot,You have lived a rich full life.and did a lot of thing,and loved andyou have been loved. What Bette needs is a very loving,and understanding woman,and one that wouldnt take her crapand love her just to love her,to be in love with her. thanks
Powerfully and intimately written as if you’ve had first hand experience w/this situation. Just incredibly sad.
wow i wouldnt know how i would act in a situation like this i think though i would be helena.simply trying to understand bette’s state of mind.But i think it’s hard to watch someone who its pratically your sister not want to share everything with you.
Fergz1 echoes exactly what I was thinking that the bright star in this otherwise sad and dismal tale just might be Ms. Tina Kennard. If anyone or anything will be able to help Bette live and find love it will be Tina an djust maybe the diagnosis will not be as bad as Bette thinks. BTW, what disease does she have that is so life threatening and that she has lived with since a teenager? Hopefully Tina calls soon and makes another appointment to work with Bette. Then that loving side of Tina will come out and place a new spark in Bette’s life and make her forget what is weighing her down at the moment. Great chapter. PPS
I sure hope Bette doesn’t get bad news..maybe it hsa scared her enough that she will calm down and find the great love of her life. pps
Hi, sweet Deean! Bette is finally admitting she’s scared, which is a big step forward. Peggy and Helena are the best friends one can have and rely on. We believe Kit is just voicing what her other friends think of her frequent absences. Even though she may appear cruel to Bette, it is what Bette has been doing with her evasive attitude: pushing her friends away. Kit is only trying to ground her. It is obvious that she loves her sister. But on the other hand, she also knows that Bette can be a very stubborn individual. We think it is time for her to stop running, take better care of herself and let her friends provide their unconditional support. She is not alone and that is what she should realize. She’s very fortunate to have loyal and trusty friends around her. Thanks for continuing with this difficult but brilliant story. PPS Hugs & kisses on both your cheeks.- Lucero & Marsha (Proud Salsa Aunties to the ever loving JC and Eunichick)
Darn,this is powerful stuff!,well guess what?,she is scared too,and wants the same thing that you want for her and that is to LIVE a healthy and fulfill life(guess that’s news to them)I admire and respect the love that this family have for each other,but the “selfishness” is not one sided.You know what is interesting?….Kit is right,Peggy is right,Helena is right,so is Shane,Alice and Dana ,but in the end Only Bette knows what is Best for Bette,and she is not a child.But of cause,she needs to stop acting like one so that she’ll not be treated like one.