“Surely one of the big questions you have though is what Dana wanted to answer, what she thought was relevant.  That’s one thing you can be guaranteed you are going to find out.”

“Hmmm maybe I’ll concede that my earth-child didn’t’ get all her brains from me, you might have contributed a little!  How about you, have you opened your letter?”

“Not really, Bette and I opened the joint package last night and there was a letter each and then a note accompanying the letter to Angie.  You should read it Al, I think you’d love it, she had some good advice for her” Tina added grinning.  “It’s at Bette’s though so I can’t give it to you now.”

“Was that what the entire note to the two of you was, an explanation of Angie’s letter?”

“No she also talked a bit about our relationship” Tina added quietly as Dana’s word began to swarm around in her head again for the umpteenth time today.

“I’ll bet she did”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing it’s just when she was sick, she’d have all these mood swings you know?  Some days she’d be so fucking angry – you remember, like that day at the ridiculous chemo party we threw for her – oh no wait you weren’t there that day, but there were other times you saw it.  Then there were other days when she’d just be really sentimental.  She’d lie on the couch with her head in my lap just talking for hours about life and love and how great it could all be.  It was like she was convincing herself that there really was a life worth fighting for.  On those days she’d always talk about you and Bette. 

As much as we tried to protect her from it, she knew you guys were having problems but she really believed you’d make it.  I think she needed to.  She grew up in this society where irrespective of what was going on behind closed doors the thing that was on display was the standard happy family.  Before she met us – aside from the mystery teenage tennis player at camp – I don’t think she’d ever even knowingly met someone who was gay.  It’s not like she would have figured it out either with that faulty gaydar she had going on.  Anyway, that was part of why coming out was so hard for her.  It wasn’t just that she feared she wouldn’t be accepted, it was also that she thought it would mean giving up on a chance at that life – the happily ever after, you know nice house, nice family, all’s rosy in the garden type of situation – what you and Bette almost had.  Your relationship with Bette was this reassurance for her that actually she could still aspire to have all that.  She refused to believe that you wouldn’t make it.  She was convinced that you guys were going to end up together and happy.”