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Shoulda – S3.3
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“Of course we can,” Tina answered. “If Buddhist philosophy helps you, then I think it’s great. I really do. But can you try to economize and support me if I take this job?”
“Yeah,” Bette nodded her head. “I’ll try.”
Tina smiled as she took Bette’s face in her hands and kissed her on the lips and then pulled her close again.
After a few minutes, Tina got up and took Bette’s hand.
“Let’s feed Angelica,” she said.
Bette sat at the head of the bed, leaning against the pillows and Tina sat between her legs. She placed the baby against her to nurse and leaned back into Bette who held Tina loosely while the baby fed. Bette positioned herself to look over Tina’s shoulder so she could watch their child nurse.
The baby ate contentedly, Tina held their child and Bette held both her girls. It was a scene that needed to be repeated more often.
=========================
In the car after the meal with the gang
Bette had felt better after their talk, but then there was the lobster dinner. There always seemed to be a “lobster dinner” which made things bad again.
Bette had made the “grand gesture” to pay for everyone’s meal and found, to her embarrassment, that her credit card was maxed out. She admitted then that she had made some expensive purchases, such as Balenciaga boots.
Tina was angry about the money, but Bette was more worried about something else. It was something Tina had said about a relationship and after hearing that, Bette had felt compelled to offer to pay for the entire meal. As they drove home she was stiff with fear.
At the meal they had been talking about a new girlfriend, or friend, or something, that one of their friends had and wondered why she was with her.
“Maybe she just wanted to be with someone weirder than herself,” cracked Alice. “If so, she’s succeeded.”
“Al,” cautioned Shane.
Maybe Moira kept her from feeling lonely.
They all looked at Tina.
You know how it is when you’re with someone that’s completely wrong for you. (Tina glanced at Bette) just cause you don’t want to be alone.
Bette looked at Tina and then looked away, trying to conceal her reaction. It was her worst nightmare—that Tina simply no longer wanted to be with her. That she could no longer provide for Tina anything that she needed.
Everyone else looked away. This was the same group who had looked away as a courtesy in the past when Bette and Tina kissed or looked at each other with passion. Then the gang had been happy about their love. Now they averted their eyes because they didn’t want to see their anger and hurt.
As they drove home Bette finally got up the nerve to ask Tina about her comment.
“Were you talking about you and me when you said you said that a lonely person might be in a “wrong” relationship?”
Tina roused herself from her reverie and looked at Bette with some surprise.
“No,” and then Tina was silent.
Bette glanced over at her worriedly as Tina remained quiet.
“T?” Bette began.
“I was talking about you and Candace.”
It was the last answer that Bette had expected and she didn’t know what to say so she just kept driving.
“I know I left you alone after we lost the baby. I wasn’t there for you and I didn’t open up to you and that was my fault. So you turned to another woman. I think you always knew that she was completely wrong for you.”
They drove in silence for several more miles.
“It’s been hard for me to admit that. I drove you away, and then I blamed you,” Tina said tiredly.
Bette pulled over to the side of the street and put the car in park. They reached for each other simultaneously and held each other for a long time.
When Bette eased the car back out into traffic, they took each other’s hand and held on until they arrived home.
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Pancha,Now all we need to do is convince IC to get you to write the episodes for Season 4??? Hopefully. I will support the L Word in all the ways I can over here in Blighty. AS for the story, another series of touching and tender scenes that could have played out instead of the depressing one in that episode. Great to bring back Bette and Candace’s union as an example of all that can go wrong. Thank you for these little treasures. Your Loyal Fan.
Great chapter Pancha!!!
All we need is a little hope,like you just gave us. I’m sorta die hard,I’ll watch until the bitter end For I know I can read F/F and get my daily dose of HOPE… thanks
Thank you so much for not giving up on them. I personally have about 30 or so friends who won’t watch the show anymore because they can tell that Ilene is going to break tina and bette up for good. These two characters are the only reason a lot of people watch the show, so its just 2 depressing to watch the show right now.
Pancha…thank you for showing a little glimpse of hope for B & T. There seems to be such darkness, dismay, and even a bit of hatred between them this season;that it’s hard to even recognize them. S3 seems more like 6 weeks after the end of S1…where Tina would have all of this anger towards Bette. I digress…thanks for the update.
That was great,as ive said before i wont be seeing the series for awhile yet but between screencaps etc i get the whole sad picture…and once again youve put it right…here at least…thanks am enjoying these “Shouldas”
I meant “who”.
OK, so let me say again that I hate the server on this site. It ate my original comment and kept the correction, which now just seems bizarre. Since I’ve totally screwed up my own joke, let me, with a straight face, express my admiration for your work. (It was funny the first time. You had to be there.)
Wow. This was beautiful. Thanks for posting this.
As always thank you. I know that if I don’t get something from the show I’ll get it here.
EXACTLY! That’s the way it should be. Too much high drama as it is currently! I need to take an antidepressent.
Don’t be so modest, you did put a positive spin to that episode and you wrote a great “shoulda”.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Why can’t we have this type of storyline. There’s such a thing as too much drama, Ilene! Continue posting please :)
Ohmygod! How easy and amazing was that? Why can’t it be that way on TV? Tina being mean and catty and constantly irritated was a bit too much. And Bette, who started the Ep walking on tiptoes, certainly topped herself by ending up walking on coals — all that time, with Tina. They danced around each other instead of dancing together. Recaps are nice but your alternative take on the eps is WAAAAYY better, Pancha. Thanks a bunch. More Shouldas please. Cheers!
I adore you for providing an outlet for our imaginations during this terribly sad season. Thanks.
Pancha…thank you for hope. IC sure as hell doesn’t give it to us.
Now why can’t that happen in the show dammit!!!!!!!
Lovely and thanks for easing the pain.
This is the way be like and good!
I am one of those bad girls who does not have Showtime, but I have very good reasons. I live by this site, so your stories at least give me an idea of what is happening. I will end up buying the DVD when it does come out. It is nice to see (hear) Bette and Tina at least trying to fix their relationship. Thank you for the insight to this wonderful couple that IC is tearing apart.
As always, I love to read your spin on things. Thanks!
“Lately I’ve been staring in the mirror, very slowly picking me apart. Trying to tell myself I have no reason with your heart…”
why can Ilene just give little things like that? little glimpses of hope? does she have to drive us insane? i hate drama…thanks pancha, this was wonderful
Thanks for sharing.
see now why can’t the show do something like that… we are all starving for a smile, hug or god forbid a kiss from these two… thanks for this chapter…
tks much better than IC…
I was thinking the same thing as telizh in that the comment was in reference to Tina being with Helena. Or hell, she could’ve been talking about every relationship prior to being with Bette. We can speculate for the next 50 years on the reference(s) made in that statement, but I doubt we’ll ever have an absolute meaning of it. I just wish we could have more tender moments like Bette holding Tina and Angelica. But no, we have to look at one of the most dysfunctional relationships I’ve ever seen, real or fictional.
Great chapter Pancha. Again that is one that I wish we would see on the show. And with the lonely thing I also thought that could talk about when she was with Helena as well.. So maybe there is a shred of hope. I think the next epsiode will be the last one i watch until the seaon finale (I pray there is a season 4 to rectify things)
>>Tina held their child and Bette held both her girlsthis is indeed a scene to be repeated often. thank you for this.
Nice….and this must really be difficult to “re-write” because as you said S3 is so sad and dark….but you do a great job :o)) Please continue…