D-A-N-A F-A-I-R-B-A-N-K-S. I trace the letters of your name slowly and gently, trying to make sense of what is going on. I’ve been sitting here for hours and clarity is still eluding me. Why should I care who Lara has in her apartment. I don’t care about her. I love you. Loved…Tears fall gently over my cheeks as I trace your name one more time before my head collapses into my hands and I am crying uncontrollably. I want your arms around me so bad it hurts. I never thought that I would feel this alone again…
I finally did it. I squashed her like that stupid rat from that stupid story. I pushed her away. She’s gone and I can feel the walls closing in on me. I sat up on the bed and looked at the clock. I stopped crying an hour ago and now my eyes feel unbearably dry and they are starting to sting. I’m used to it though. Used to my eyes feeling as if they are going to explode. Used to the throbbing that is always present directly behind my stinging eyes. It’s been forever since Dana walked in here and started gathering up all of her things. Telling me that she didn’t think that we were good for each other. She had been assuring me for so long that there was nothing to worry about and I had actually started to believe her. I needed to believe her. In fact I had spent so much time convincing myself to trust everything that she was saying that I had never stopped to consider that her needing closure with Lara would end up with her actually choosing Lara. By the time I realized what was happening it was too late to do anything about it. Dana had already made her choice.

I can’t think straight as I move to get out of bed. Dana’s picture stares back at me smiling and I childishly stick my tongue out at her, instantly feeling bad as I pull my tongue back into my mouth. This is all I have left of her. I shouldn’t be sticking my tongue out at her. I reach for the bottle by the side of my bed and try to make out the ridiculously long name of whatever medication my doctor has prescribed for me this week. I keep telling him it’s not doing the trick. I quickly swallow a couple of them hoping they will magically ease my pain, but instead a rush of anxiety flows through me and my answer is to hurl Dana’s picture at the wall.