“Why are you still here?” You ask me. You’re sitting on the sofa and I have just brought you some aspirin and a glass of water. The words sting me, but I don’t leave. Not this time.

“I don’t think that you should be alone.”

“Yeah, well I don’t think that I want you here.” You’re still upset, and I vow to keep my patience with you.

“Alice look, I know how you feel okay. I miss her too, but you-”

“You think that you know how I feel? You have no idea how I feel.” You’re eyes are flashing at me as you continue. “I am alone. I love her. More than I could ever explain. I can’t just forget about her. I see her everywhere everyday. She’s all I think about. Dana was my life and I can’t breathe anymore. You could never understand that.” You’re spitting the words at me now and I can see you starting to shake as you try to hold in your emotions.

But without warning I feel a flash of anger. You shouldn’t talk to me this way. You have no right to tell me that I don’t understand because I miss her too, Alice. I loved her just as much as you did. I still wake up every morning and expect to smell the coffee that she makes when she gets back from her morning jog. I see her every day just the same as you. And in spite of the time that has passed and everything that has happened I still expect her to come up behind me and whisper that everything is alright. And the thing that kills me the most is the fact that “You weren’t together.” It escapes quietly before I have a chance to realize that I have said the words out loud. We both freeze for a moment before I realize how much I meant what I have just let out. “You guys weren’t together Alice.” I am starting to get as angry as you are and I don’t think that this can end anywhere good.

“Because you took her away!” Your voice is getting louder and I am trying to hold onto my emotions before they spiral away from me. You‘re close to hysterics now and you keep accusing me over and over again until you‘re shouting. “You took her away from me. You knew that she was with me, but you couldn’t leave her alone and she left me. You took her away!”

“And you’re the one who got to say goodbye!” I shout back at you. “I was her girlfriend and she didn’t even call me.” I’m not yelling anymore, but I can hear the bitterness in my voice as I continue. “Don’t you get it Alice. I didn’t take her away. She never left you.” I spit the words at you knowing that you don’t deserve my anger any more than I deserve yours. Both of us are just too afraid to be angry at Dana. I shake me head, ashamed that we are sitting here fighting like this when we could be helping each other. “I’m going home.” I tell her in a defeated tone.

Slowly I walk out to my car and pull out my phone. Even though it’s late Bette understands and assures me that she will come over and make sure that Alice is alright. I put my key in the ignition and twenty minutes later I am home on my sofa curled into a ball with my head in Riley’s lap crying as if I might never stop…