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    The Journey 9

    Story written on September 16, 2005 by unbeknown.
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    62 votes, average: 3.66 out of 562 votes, average: 3.66 out of 562 votes, average: 3.66 out of 562 votes, average: 3.66 out of 562 votes, average: 3.66 out of 5 (62 votes, average: 3.66 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 19
    Words: 2765
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=56621
    Author Notes:

    who is Sam anyway ? Bette makes a decision.

    Chapter 9

    I felt relieved and scared to have put it out there about Tina to Shane like that but I suspect Shane knew anyway how I felt. And scared or not, it was the truth. The next day past uneventfully. I spent my time making a few touches to the house, not that it was neglected. I took the puppy for a walk and made a few phone calls about getting a job. Sure enough Dana called me to tell me there was a barbecue at her house that night and would I come. There would be the gang and a few of her tennis friends. She said Tina would be there and I reassured her that Tina and I being there together was not a problem. I am already tiring of having to reassure people already although it is to be expected, perhaps I am reassuring myself just as much. I mean if all else failed I could avoid her and if it became so obvious she could stand me near her I could always leave.

    I showered and carefully picked out a casual outfit that I knew Tina liked. It seemed strange to have a cupboard full of clothes. As I stood there in front of the mirror in my pants and bra, that night, the last night Tina and were intimate flashed back. It was a memory that saddened me nearly as much as the loss of our child. Maybe because it was the last time, maybe because we could do that to each other. I stood in the dimmed light and let the entire scene flash through my mind. My fear of losing Tina, her fear that she’d already lost me, the hurt of the betrayal of the affair, the anger and the desperation to hang onto to something when there was nothing to hang onto. I look up into the mirror, it is only then I realise I’d had my head bent down. “I’m sorry Tee” I whisper to myself. I’m not sure which I want more, for Tina to forgive or for me to forgive myself. Tee and I had never apologized to each other for that night, not verbally anyway but the sadness in both our eyes conveyed to each other that it was not meant as an act of aggression towards each other, not a desire to dominate each other. I remember her eyes tracing the bruise on my cheek, I remember her slapping me, unconsciously I put my hand up to my cheek. I start to put my shirt on. I’d made it all over Europe with the few clothes in my backpack. Memories of my travels flooded back. Like when I only had hiking boots in the oppressive Russian summer and I had tracked all around the Hermitage Museum in St Petersburg in them, determined to see every piece of work. That in it self took 3 weeks, OK, I studied them rather than looked but it’s still a big place. The images flashed past and I remembered the piece that inspired me to send Tina a postcard from Russia. I’d so wished she was there, so that is what I wrote. “I wish you were here with me to see this, Love Always B. That was the entire postcard message. All in I think I sent her six in the 18 months I was away. Did she ever get the postcard, if she did, did she care ? I carefully put on my makeup and put my hair up. Not bad if I do say so myself. I pulled a bottle of wine out to take with me. I waited for Alice to pick me up. Alice arrived in her usual banter and fan fare, it was nice to have it in my life again, nice to have some fun. In the car the conversation took a more serious turn.

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    Comments

    4. after the shit ive learned in vancouver. im sick to death of people jumping to conclusions and not communicating. gawd, someone just ask a fucking question. have a hard, but a conversation. yes snQQpy a longer post may helped my frustration.

    8. Why is there so much tragedy in many of the B&T stories. It’s breaking my heart and I don’t know how long I can keep reading. (= You portray Bette’s feelings so well in this chapter. I feel like she is telling me this story herself and my heart is breaking with her.

      Too bad Bette didn’t visit my home country Finland. After all, she was traveling all around the country.

      Kiitos!

    14. Huh? What??? I’m sitting here all hopeful with my morning coffee–still trying to wake–no, to come to, only to see that Bette is still NOT WITH TINA! SHIT! I should have stayed in bed! ARGGHHGHHHH! I love your story, though, however sad it makes me…Your writing is very thought provoking…I just want some “happy thoughts” *lol*! (Oh yeah, there was the puppy wasn’t there?)…Ah, WTH! I guess I’ll just wait on your next post for that;)! Thanks!

    16. For an intelligent well educated woman sometimes Bette is so stupid LOL Somebody get the woman an interpreter so she can understand what Tina is saying!

    19. Oh, grow up Bette! If you love Tina that damn much then be a real woman and talk to her. Yes, you had an affair and yes she and your family hid your child from you. What were they supposed to say or do? It was your choice to leave, and I don’t blame Tina for being angry w/ you…not telling you about Laurel. But you love her. If every other proven fact in the world turns out to be wrong, one fact will forever remain the same…Bette, you love Tina.

      Grow some balls and get the answers you’re looking for. It’s time to end this pity-party of one and get your wife back.

      Oh, and thanks for naming the dog. Please post again soon. This story is adicting!

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