I was given a bit of advice and was told to try and see the situation from your point of view. I have tried and I can see that the way I was back then scared you. I also see that you find it difficult to tell people exactly how you feel. You want to please people, so you try and do what they want you to do. Maybe fear was your insecurity and you tried to hid it from me. I should have known really, I mean you were willing to hid the fact that you were ***** for your career. It makes sense that if you were afraid or scared of hurting me, you would hid your feelings to protect me. But Dana I don’t need protecting, I need you to be open and honest with me. When you hid things or don’t tell me things its worse because my mind goes into over drive. I start jumping to conclusions, thinking all sorts. I used Lara as an excuse, when I know it was nothing to do with her. I knew you would never cheat on me, deep down I knew it. I just couldn’t help but feel you slipping away and in order to protect myself I blamed the closest person I could. I didn’t want to admit to myself that it was my insecurities causing me to doubt you. It took me to get away from you, here and Lara to realise it was my and only my insecurities that broke us up. I had to fight long and hard with the person I used to be. To stop making excuses and blaming other people. I had to deal with the issues that caused the insecurities and overcome them. I dealt with my issues and I got over them. I learnt to accept the past and put it behind me. Or I thought I had. Seeing you brought back things I thought I got over. I could feel my old insecurities slipping back through and I couldn’t handle it. Reading your letters I kept thinking that you weren’t telling me the truth. I was once told that sometimes you can convince yourself that you like someone, when really you don’t. At the time I thought it was a stupid thing to think, but as I read your letters the thought kept popping into my head. I kept thinking that maybe you like the idea of us, rather than the reality of us. It was stupid I know because I do know in my heart you love me and want to be with. I know this because as I write these letters I write what’s in my heart. I cant make it up, I write what I feel inside and I know you do exactly the same thing as you write to me.

So I know I probably haven’t explained myself well, your probably more confused than ever. I don’t blame you and if you want to forget about us, I will understand. I have a lot to deal with and a lot to accept. I know I want to be with you, forever and always. Last time we worried over the part of the friendship we lost rather than enjoying the things we gained. This time around I want to be able to enjoy what we gain, not what we loss.

Dana I know my heart will love you for the rest of my life and I will always want you. If you can wait I need a little time and space to think and decide what I want.

Do remember that I will listen to my heart, keep an open mind and trust that I will do what is best for both of us.

Forever yours, Alice. xxxxxxxxxxx