17 September 17.30pm

I’m sitting here with a letter in front of me and I’m terrified. Shane’s shouting at me from the sitting room telling me to hurry up and read the letter. I know I should but what if its not what I want to hear and if it is, what do I do?. Do I go straight to her, phone her, god why does life have to be so complicated? Ok so here goes, im going to open the letter once and for all.

19.00pm

Oh my god she wants to meet me to talk. What am I going say to her? I let her slip through my fingers instead of holding on to her when I had her. She’s the one thing I think of when I wake in the mornings and the last thing I think of when I go to sleep. She is the one thing I truly hate myself for. Maybe I should just tell her that I’m so in love with her and want her. God I couldn’t say that how unfair to put her on the spot. But over the past 10 years I have done a lot, and I mean a lot of thinking and it always leads me to one thing.she belongs by my side.

18 September 11.00am

Ok, so I think I’m having a panic attack, or maybe a heart attack. I swear my hearts banging in my chest and its all fluttery. I cant sit still and I’m nearly certain I have pains running up my left arm. That’s it, I’m going to have a heart attack on the day I finally get to see Alice again. Well done Dana, leave it to you, oh Jesus I think I need a paper bag to breathe into before I hyperventilate.

15.00pm

Oh my god I am so unbelievably stupid that was an absolute disaster. I had Alice right there in front of me and I couldn’t say one thing that I wanted to. So for an hour we sat talking ***** avoiding the questions we both wanted to ask. As soon as I looked into her eyes, I saw a deep pain that I know I caused and I couldn’t do it. I want her to be happy and judging by her eyes, being happy is not being with me.