I’m going to write her another letter in a hope she understands that I do love her, but that I don’t want to hurt her or cause her anymore pain. So wish me luck, I have a feeling im going to need it.

21 September 20.00pm

Alice still hasn’t replied to my letter yet and if I’m honest its starting to worry me. I went over to Bette and Tina’s earlier for Angelicas birthday party, I cant believe she’s 11 already. Anyway, I really thought she would be there, but she called earlier, which means she’s avoiding me. Tina said it was only because she had to work, but I know Alice and she was avoiding me. I really tried to enjoy the day but I couldn’t stop thinking of Alice. Then I felt really guilty because this was Angelicas day. I wish she’d just tell me know one way or the other. I cant understand what’s taking so long, if she doesn’t want us to get back together she should just say. I think I’m going to go for a run to clear my head.

23September 10.00am

Well there’s still no word from Alice and I’ve started to loose hope a little. I don’t know what I was thinking bringing up the past, I should have left it well alone. 10 years is a long time, especially as I’ve hurt her so badly. Its just that when you love someone so absolutely and completely you would do anything for them. I would fight the world for Alice, the whole walk through fire thing, I would do. I know in my heart we belong together but if she doesn’t want to be with me, I’ll just have to accept it. I want Alice, but only if she wants it without doubt and without question. I do realise that if we are to get back together, it needs to be with absolute certainty, our relationship just couldn’t stand doubt. As she hasn’t replied yet, I can only fear the worst. So again I will just have to try and get on with my life, but at least now I defiantly know its over. Well im going to leave it here as Shanes persuaded me into a new haircut to cheer me up.

25 September 09.00am

I’ve just got a reply from Alice and im so overwhelmed. Its like she wrote me her heart on a piece of paper. All of her doubts and insecurities wrote down, sharing them all with me. She told me she needs time and space to work out what she wants and I am happy to give her all the time she needs. She still has doubts over whether we can be happy and I need her to be sure. She also has a point when she says we need to be able to talk properly and not avoid our issues. Its just so mixed up but I know I need to give her the time she needs and let her decide what she wants with an open and honest heart.

4 October

Just a quick check in to settle my nerves as im on my way to see Alice. We are going to talk properly and honestly about our relationship and where we go from here. I hope and pray with all of my heart that we can work out and overcome our insecurities. I am also preparing myself to face any bad outcomes. I may not like the fact that we will never be together again, but I will be able to accept it in time. Well wish me luck because whatever happens today the next part of my life starts here.