“Give… pills…” i managed to say

“No! Shane, no pills. You don’t need them. Tell yourself to breath Shane, don’t ask, tell your body what to do” and I do… I do what she says… I’m in control… I want to breath… breath…

“You are in control!” and in a couple of seconds… I breath… I went back to normal… I don’t say anything I just stare at her “Now… tell me Shane, what do you want?”

“I don’t know…” The woman punches me on the face again. I look down not wanting her to see me like this

“SHANE WHY ARE YOU HERE? THINK!” Carmen yelles

“I DON’T KNOW!” Carmen looks back not wanting to see the woman hit me again. And she does. She hits me in the stomach making me cough blood.

“SHANE!” Carmen gets in my face “are you here!?”

“I DON’T KNOW, I DON’T FUCKING KNOW!” I yell at her. She looks down and gets up. The woman came closer “Yeah HIT ME!” and she did. Carmen is looking out one of the windows and everything’s is silent.

Why am I here? Because, I singed up for this…. Why did I singe up for this? Why?

“Because I wanted a purpose in life… because I feel like I wasn’t living life how I should be… because my life was boring and didn’t have anything…because I think I can do more… I feel like I was meant for something else, something big…”  I look down when I say all this. I feel Carmen walking towards me… she kneels right in front of me and pulls my head up. We are looking at each other

“Now that Shane… that’s the right answear”

——

In my bath of happiness again… I’m getting used to the beating… its cool you know one moment you feel like you are dying and the next you are cured… perfect huh? If only I was into that whole hitting me to death kind of thing…

“This is something else huh?” I look to one of the pool in front of me… Helena… “I take one everyday, either I get hurt or not… it’s refreshing”