An irritated Tina answered quickly.  Motivated by the fury that was raked to the surface.  “Please what?” 

“What do you want me to say?”  Bette asked evenly.  “I’ll say it.”

An admission of what they both did in the past.  At times, saying what they thought the other wanted to hear.  Not saying what they meant. Worse, not saying anything at all.

“Great!”  Tina expelled a quick breath with frustration. 

Her sullen posture matched the message of the statement that followed. “I just don’t want to hurt you again.”   

“It will lead nowhere,” Bette said.

Perhaps it would be right to introduce what she had painfully acceded to during the laggard days that went by and served as a great teacher.  To temper her strict urgency and many a times unmalleable disposition.  To accept what was.  Urging them to let go.  To move on.  As Tina had on a personal level.   As she would too, eventually.

“It’s wonderful for you…and maybe best that you’re with someone else,” a dejected Bette reasoned calmly.  Her eyes glistened with sincerity.  Fearing the truth in the contemplation while hoping for nothing less for the woman she adored. 

Tina’s anger didn’t dissipate.  “Don’t you say that Bette.”  If anything it flourished as her lecture filled the space. 

“Don’t say it unless you mean it. Don’t say it because you’re sorry.  Or because I’m angry.  Or because it’s easy.”

“Besides that decision isn’t yours to make.”  Tina concluded strongly.

Quietly Bette admitted, “I don’t know what you want to hear.”

Throwing her hands up in exasperation, the speech continued.  “It’s not a question of what I want to hear or what you think I should hear.  I survived this – us, torn apart.  I’m not this person who needs someone to filter things for me.  Just tell me what I’m missing.”

Bette looked at Tina directly.  She’d held back with misguided consideration. Typically not one to back down or make excuses, she latched to the opening.  Blinking twice, she paused before saying what could easily be misconstrued.  That would hurt tremendously if taken at face value.  She was right to take pause.  When she spoke, the message’s sting tore through the blonde like a blunt scalpel on flesh without mercy.  

“For a short while…just before,” the calm in Bette’s voice was unnerving, serving notice to the weight of what came next. 

“I wasn’t sure if I still loved you.”