Reinstated attention in hand the brunette pleaded, “Let me finish.”  Allowing a moment for the shared restless mood to settle she elaborated slowly. “I swear it was fleeting. It wasn’t the truth.” 

“I loved you.” 

Bette said quietly, “I never stopped loving you. I know that now and I knew it shortly after I had those…doubts.”

“Tina I loved you.” Bette earnestly repeated.

She paused, letting the words seep through the severity of the blonde’s demeanor.  “I was reacting to…everything else around me.”  

Tina’s eyes were focused, clearly trained on Bette’s mouth as she spoke.  Urging her to voice the rest.  What encapsulated ‘everything else.’  Yet knew she had good measure of the elements of what that included.

Having to be the sole provider.  At one juncture or another, having to concede passion for security.  For their child.  For the family they yearned for.  Struggling to be part of the life at home that she’d been distanced from because of related responsibilities to the task.  In a way, wanting to let go.  Be negligent.  Forfeit to the pressure she’d felt pounding from all sides while losing traction toward the ideal future. Not knowing what Tina wanted anymore.  Lacking certainty regarding what she herself desired.  Not comprehending what was happening to them.  Losing touch.  Not able to make things better, and losing control. 

Missing their togetherness even in the very endeavor that was supposed to bring them closer. 

‘It’s sad,’ she said in the car the day of the ultrasound.  That Tina had to turn to another for the support that should have been expected from her. 

Support she should have been allowed to offer.  More than that, give. 

“We were together yet falling apart,” the darker woman said honestly.  “You were right there and yet…yet I couldn’t reach you.”

Turning to glance out the window and sighing heavily, “You knew and felt it too, didn’t you?”

—

‘Lately, I haven’t been feeling it.’

Bette, saying nothing to refute what was said.  Not arguing the point as she did often times.  That her partner should always feel safe and loved.  Especially now with the seed growing in her belly.  Then again she couldn’t fight the observation given the element of precision in its message.