A sentence uttered multiple times after the affair was uncovered. That, as just voiced, she failed her partner and herself.  The message sheathed in the pleas spoken thereafter to rebuild.  To try again. 

Then in the willingness to let go as time passed.  Revealing a wish, though difficult to reconcile with the want within, for Tina to move on.  That she would find someone special.  She would be free of the weight of their past.  For them to go through life without calling the other ‘girlfriend’, ‘partner’ or ‘lover’.  As long as she was happy.  As long as her tomorrow turned out all right.

She’d been ill to think of someone else touching her.  Needing her.  Loving her.  Being there for her.  Caring for Tina.  The torment bringing Bette to the consider escape in the form of a contemplated move to spare being audience to someone else living the life she desired. 

Missing out on the destiny she envisioned because of a mistake that could never be erased. 

It took a while but she accepted how another would be good for Tina.  In the person of someone like Helena.  A kind, self-assured and generous individual who would care and love the woman who would always hold her heart.  Someone who would heal the wound she carelessly inflicted.  Who could be the future that fulfilled the dreams she wanted Tina to have.

Bette knew she could help the healing.  With words of apology that she hoped would offer some comfort.  She voiced those words again as she murmured,  “I’m so sorry.” 

Tina looked into the brown eyes that sought her attention.  Though the understanding failed to dispel the hurt, she nodded and acknowledged the words of apology.  “I know.”

Tina received the words as fact.  In a sense, turning a corner so as to no longer need the assertion and reassurance that her partner wasn’t emotionally invested in the fling.  She admitted that truth, there was no feeling involved.  No love.  Not meriting comparison to what they once had.  A past they would always be able to cling to.

They regarded each other silently.  An acceptance flowed between the women as they continued to look directly at one another.  Not needing more on the topic that morning.  Communicating it would always be a part of their history.  Not to be forgotten nor ignored.  At the same time, not something to resurface in accusation to gain unfair leverage. 

It was a critical error in judgment.  An error that was neither solitary in existence nor impact.  Though one woman’s act was explicit in effect, the shared look noted the knowledge of lacking on both ends.

“And I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”  Tina raised her hand to halt any interruption as the lips of the woman who sat across from her parted to interrupt.  Only enough to say ‘Ti –‘.

“It was easier to let things come to pass.  To expect everything to be okay.  I didn’t see what was happening to you. To me.  To us.  How much pressure you were under.  How much our decisions needed us to change.  I wanted everything to just be fine and it wasn’t.”

“In a way, I forgot I had much more to say.”  She looked away, admitting to the complacency and quiet resentment that was building.  “Or said it to someone else.”

“Somehow I let slip that I needed," she paused to expel a breath.  “I needed and…”

Tina pressed her hands together as if in prayer.  She rested the sides of her index fingers on her lips with her head angled downward in thought.  Bette could tell she was carefully selecting the message to express.  Laying clasped hands on her lap the blonde restored eye contact and completed her thought.

“You needed me to be…more.”