That obviously clarifies things doesn’t it?  My uncertainty and certainty equating to confusion galore.  Hence the nervous energy. 

Perhaps I should stand up and admit to being confused out loud.  Kit said it was cathartic during her AA experience.  Looking around without recognizing anyone, it would be an anonymous announcement.  The acronym would still fit.

Sitting on a plate provided by a server was the Marionberry Danish I’d bought from the bakery not far from the house.  Nothing against what was sold here but it was her favorite.  Layers of thin dough interspersed with European margarine resulting in a delicate and crispy pastry. 

Disapproving glances were avoided given my relationship with the owner as I’d walked in with a competitor’s package.  The paper bag containing another selection was in the office for Kit to enjoy later.

Our beverage orders lay in wait as they had been placed at the counter shortly after I’d arrived.  The young man operating the station this morning was an acquaintance per Kit’s previous introduction.  He’d agreed to prepare both upon my signal confirming the orders and deliver to the table thereafter.  A generous tip given in advance was offered in exchange for the collaboration. 

On early mornings starting an involved day she needed a rich, full-bodied latte with an extra shot of espresso.  Maybe my only uncomplicated facet, I preferred the straightforward version, an intensely plain espresso to jolt me to life. 

I’d finished my first cup but would be ready for a second as soon as she materialized.  Glancing at my watch, it’s evident I was a bit overanxious.  Granted I arrived early on purpose.  That’s how things were before what, one maybe two years ago?  I was always early and available for her.  Then I wasn’t.  I was always running late. 

Right – one shouldn’t say ‘always’ or ‘never’. 

I was often running late.  More than often.  On regular days and sadly even when it counted the most.  That day.  That awful day we lost our baby boy. 

Mingled with that pain was the memory of those intruders, appearing at our home.  Stressful in and of itself but wholly and absolutely anemic in comparison to the loss we’d just experienced.  She’d experienced.  The hurt she’d initially sat through alone while I was mulling over how to deal with my adversary at work.

The ache was relentlessly severe for me too but it wasn’t important.  To this day I’ve never really shown how much I hurt.  How it still hurt.  It was vital for me to be her strength.  Yet in the end it was me who crumbled.  The intent was there but I’d lost my way.

Strangely enough what rested on the front seat of the car was a personal reminder.  Though it would have no bearing or meaning to that day for her.  Optimistically it would serve as a happy memory.  Hoping it would contribute to an eventual success as she moved forward with her project. 

Lost in thought I hadn’t noticed her arrival at the designated hour. “Hi,” she greeted. 

“Hi.” I returned with a smile. 

Inviting her to sit with a wave of my hand, I inquired what she wanted to drink.  She confirmed what I’d assumed so I looked over at my accomplice and nodded my head after catching his attention.  I grinned in response as he acknowledged my signal with a ‘thumbs up’ sign.

Concerned, “You haven’t been waiting long have you?” she asked.

“Not at all,” I replied. 

Well maybe but only because I arrived too early. But my schedule didn’t have to be the primary driver all the time.  What was my thought earlier?  That too often, I was running late.  Especially when it counted.  I never…right – one shouldn’t say ‘always’ or ‘never’.

“Besides,” even if its undertone would be missed my next remark was truthful, “I didn’t want to be late.”