Well I could clear that up with at least one of them tonight.

“Alice, I know this has been difficult for you. I want you to know that although it somewhat consoled me before, the lack of mention of Bette, you shouldn’t feel the need to do this anymore.”

“Really. We have to find something that works for us, all of us. She’s a part of your life and the rest. She was a big part of mine. Please, help me make this work for us by not purposely leaving her out, at least not for my benefit – not anymore.”

Her lack of response made me think she hadn’t heard me or failed to capture my meaning. The emotion in my words hopefully conveying my appreciation for her and everyone else’s closeness with Bette and with me. Bette and me, not or.  That she should no longer need to choose or feel the need to find a balance between us. I’m sorry she’s had to do this for so long already.

Finally, she reached out to embrace me. “You’re wonderfully generous you know? Be..” She stopped herself by habit but realizing what I just said, continued, “Bette said that’s one of the things she’s always loved about you.”

I chuckle, “Alice, I’ve been using up your hot water, eating your food and making a mess of your apartment and you’ve let me. And you think I’m generous?”

We had talked a bit more and upon feeling things between us were secure once again, asked to have some time alone. The relaxing evening with Helena soon faded to a memory. I had more pressing thoughts at hand.

It was inevitable. We had to talk. I remember Alice’s words as she relayed the message: “Bette called, she asked if you would please call her. She said it was important. Please she said.”

Important she said. If the recent past had any predictive value, Bette was going to apologize again and ask for forgiveness. She was incredibly persistent immediately after the affair. It’s not that I didn’t want to hear that she was sorry or that I was being vindictive. Well maybe a little initially. I just hurt so much. I couldn’t give her the time of day.

All told, at least this forced time apart resulted in something beneficial for us both, my excruciating hurt dulled somewhat, my boiling rage now slowed to a simmer. Over that period though, her attempts for contact have diminished. My definitive refusals obviously influencing her fervor.

Now, with an opening provided, a request offered, it was time. For me, for her, for our friends. We had to find something that worked for us all.

“It’s me. You called?”