It just couldn’t be true, I kept telling myself. It was a mantra that was repeating itself in my head. Tina is not dying, Tina won’t die. Tina is not dying, Tina won’t die.

I was so aware that all of this was my fault. What the hell was I thinking? It was such a selfish act. I felt like something was missing in my life while I had it all. I would easily have given up everything just for Tina. She was so important to me, how could I have been thinking that something wasn’t right?

No, Tina would get trough this. I had to be there for her when she woke up and I had to let her do whatever she wanted. She had every right to be so mad at me for doing this to her. I was willing to let her hit me and scratch me and whatever that hurt, as long as she would forgive me.

It was tearing me up inside. I couldn’t, wouldn’t accept it, simply because it was all a bad dream. I wanted to convince myself and I managed it.

Shane stood up and went back to her own chair. Her face was all flustered.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry.” Nothing more, but I knew what she was thinking. I knew what she was apoligizing for.

“This is hard for you too, Shane. I’m not the only one who is allowed to feel grief. You are her friend, you are for so long now.”

“Yeah, but she’s your lover, your soulmate, your lifepartner. It must be ten times worse for you.”

“That’s complete and utter bullshit, Shane. Of course you are suffering and upset.”

“You shouldn’t be comforting me.”

“Who cares about who should do what? In the end, it doesn’t matter. It can be over so soon, look at Tina. It can be over in a split second. We worry too much. We all live our lives in roles that are given to us, but why the hell do we even care? We are lesbians, we don’t do traditional, right? So I can comfort you if I want to.”

Shane smirked. “Since when have you become so wise?”

I couldn’t help but smile a little. That was the first time since I heard of Tina’s accident.