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    Translations – Bette Porter

    Story written on March 24, 2014 by Blackbird.
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    13 votes, average: 5.00 out of 513 votes, average: 5.00 out of 513 votes, average: 5.00 out of 513 votes, average: 5.00 out of 513 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (13 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 10
    Words: 3922
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=84290
    Author Notes:

    This is Daddy stuff as Kit would call it. I take out the back and side support planks, then the canvas straps and finally the tarp inner lining. Oh, and the bags and bags of hardware, too. I’m dealing. And then I open the assembly manual. I flip to the second page and third page

    This is Daddy stuff as Kit would call it. I take out the back and side support planks, then the canvas straps and finally the tarp inner lining. Oh, and the bags and bags of hardware, too. I’m dealing. And then I open the assembly manual.

    I flip to the second page and third page of the English version. They are smeared and indecipherable and then I read the big black marker message left by some lame asshole at the manufacturing plant, “Fuck you, George Bush,” and the last page is a warranty for two years.

    ”You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” I say out loud when I see that the rest of the pages are in Chinese, Korean, or some squiggly language that guess to be, Arabic. “Jesus Christ! What moron packed this in here? And who gives birth every two years in a fucking tub for Christ’s sake?” And then finally I find something legible, the French version.

    <!–nextpage–>

    As I read my French to English dictionary I glance down at the unbelievable mess I’ve made. I look at the hundreds of brackets and wing nuts, screws and bolts, and I have an odd thought: Are they in chaos or at rest? My mind cannot solve the greatest theoretical problem of gravity that still mystifies modern scientific minds. My mind turns back to the translations.

    I read, “Tenir son de resserrer sa bretelles pendant que vous la baise,” and I translate to English, ”Hold her and tighten her frame straps while you screw her.” I look at the manual again mystified.

    ”Who the fuck wrote this?” I hear Tina coming down the hallway.

    “Did I hear screaming a minute ago?” She puts two glasses of tea down on a table near my dilemma.

    “Fucking crazy neighbor Jenny was screaming. I heard it, too.” I lie.

    “That wasn’t you?” Tina laughs at me and sips her tea. “And how’s this coming? May I help?” She smiles at the unlikelihood.

    “You would not believe the English translation of the French instructions. Listen to this, “Tenir son de resserrer sa bretelles pendant que vous la baise,” which I translate and come up with, ”Hold her and tighten her straps while you screw her.” I laugh helplessly as I look up at her.

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    Comments

    1. They have a very complicated relationship. Turmoil and contradictions. I love your writing but not exactly sure of what’s going on. Bette’s anger reaches a Hurricane 5 level and then dissipates. Tina is a passive-aggressive personality. But they really love one another.

    3. I’m starting to relax again as she massages me. “How many years do I have until I have to assemble something huge, like a swing set or a pony?”

      Love the humor. Thanks for the post.

    4. This had me laughing my head off. It is so well written!

      It was interesting how you gave insight to Tina dating both Helena and Bette at the same time. I thought she was being deliberately cruel.

    5. well, well, well… fascinating to say the least. Bette picks someone so unlike Tina to have an affair with and Tina picks someone similar to Bette to have an affair with. Bette’s affair has some discretion while Tina throws Helena in Bette’s face time and time again.
      I loved each of their thought patterns when they were together. I had to laugh as they are making love but each traveling to other places in their minds. Tina knows Bette so well but Bette is just so self-possessed that she forgets about Tina as they are making love and instead focuses in on Helena.
      Relationships are crazy and take so much work to be successful. It’s a wonder they made it.

    6. Bette going from zero to 360 – I get. Dealing with Helena professionally then at home has got to suck. And i’m not sure Tina did all she could to ease Bette’s concerns about Helena. Thanks for sharing Blackbird. I’ve got some catching up to do but I look forward to it.

    8. First off I will not be thinking of Helena if I had the chance to have sex with Tina that’s for damn sure, but I understand where Bette and anger and insecurities comes from after watching the one she love purposely parade this woman around in front of her for so long…these two are wicked and I love it!

    9. Some rainy day polishing on this story improved it with a few new great photos I discovered to illustrate it. Please enjoy, it’s an amusing story as Bette attempts to assemble Tina’s home birthing tub and plan for another seismic shift in Life with the birth of their child.

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