Now I don’t think that we lost the feeling

But we, let everything build up inside

It’s only love

But love, should make us strong

It’s only love

But love, has been hurting so long

What a challenge, honesty

What a struggle to learn to speak

Who would’ve thought that pretending was easier     

I hope that Bette is too engrossed in her articles to notice me. I’m silently sobbing, effectively ruining page 75 of this shitty script. But if I keep dabbing my eyes, it’ll be too obvious. What to do? But then I hear a sniffle, and then another. So against my better judgment, I called, “Bette?”

“What, oh I’m sorry T. Just allergies kicking up suddenly.”

“Bette.” I called again making clear that I wanted her to look at me. When she did I saw what I already suspected. She was crying. I hoped that she could see that I was also crying. Crying for all of the things that we lost.

“T?” She says in a quiet voice. Not wanting her to raise her voice anymore for fear of waking Grace, I leave my chair and join her on the floor. She grabs me as soon as I feel settled there and we just hold each other.

“I’m sorry” I tell her. I want her to know that I’m sorry for bringing this cd in this room; I’m sorry for running away; I’m so sorry for not holding her hand when she asked me to; and I’m sorry for not having the answer for what to do next.

“You don’t have to be sorry anymore, T. You’re home, now.”

I’m not sure what she was referring to. If she meant I was home in Los Angeles or if I was home in her arms. Either way, it was what I needed.

We each took turns quietly breaking down, holding on to one another. I made sure that the music was steadily drowning out the sounds. Bette finally left my room around 5 AM. We said very little in all of that time. I would have to get up in a couple of hours. I knew that it was useless to hope that sleep would happen. But I didn’t mind too terribly. Even though we hadn’t decided on a plan of action, Bette and I were headed towards something new. Something better than before. Because of her, I was home.