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A few days ago Renee told us she decided to go home. The underlying meaning of her words hit us both hard, she wants to come home to die. Bette and I had a long talk about how we should deal with it, because we both know it will be heartrending and it will take a big toll on us to be there for her during the last moments of her life. But we decided that we don’t want some stranger to take care of her, we decided we will do it together. In the days that followed we made arrangements for Renee to come home and Bette made sure that Renee has everything she could possibly need at home. Now I look around in her living room and admire once again how with her sense for detail Bette managed to make the living room, with the hideous hospital bed in front of the window, look cozy and warm. With small touches like a colorful bed sheet, the nightstand with an elegant lamp and two comfy chairs next to the bed she managed to create an inviting space.
I just accompanied Renee in the ambulance to here while Bette did groceries. Now Renee is sitting in the chair looking completely drained, a standard with the IV next to her and clenching a tissue in her hand. I’m standing in the middle of the room not sure what to do, the weight of the atmosphere so unbearably heavy, when Bette walks in with the groceries and two beautiful bouquets of flowers. The next moment she leaves me speechless when she hands me one of the bouquets. ‘Thank you for everything you are doing for her.’ Following her heartfelt words she leans in and places a soft kiss on my cheek that continues burning on my skin long after she walks over to Renee with the second bouquet.
Much to our surprise, Renee bursts out in tears when hearing Bette’s words. Strangely enough she has been the one that dragged us through till now, with her constant positive mood and her cheerful character and suddenly she just looks so breakable. Watching the scene unfold in front of me I place the flowers on the dining table and sit down in the closest chair. Bette bends through her knees and takes Renee’s hand in hers, gently caressing it. ‘It feels good to be home right?’ She says in the softest voice ever, while Renee nods and lays her head on Bette’s shoulder. Turning my head aside, I try to bite back my tears feeling the intensity of the moment.