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Last days have been excruciating. It’s like we landed in this downward spiral and every day we just slip further down. When I see Bette sweet and caring with Renee, doing everything in her power to make her last weeks as perfect as possible, I see the Bette that I used to know, and it warms my heart. But then, when I catch her looking at me and I’m not able to distinguish the feelings in her eyes my heart freezes with fear and loneliness. Quiet often she spends the nights in the uncomfortable chair next to Renee’s bed, since her state is slowly going deteriorating.
This morning when I stopped by and caught Bette’s tortured look, after another rough night, I suggested her to come with me to pick up some medical items for Renee, somewhere outside of Paris. I glance next to me and catch her starring out of the window, the dark circles around her eyes are getting heavier every day, she looks completely drained. ‘How are you holding up?’ I ask in a soft tone, while steering the car back to Paris, after buying what we had to.
‘Not so good at the moment.’ She replies in a low voice as she rest her head back in the chair, her look getting lost in the distance.
‘Why don’t you let me spend some nights with Renee so you can get rest?’ My offer is followed by a sigh and a long silence in which she closes her eyes and is probably contemplating my offer. Ever since she arrived she took over a huge part of the load, no questions asked, she has been strong and present, and I know how hard it is for her to give in.
‘It’s not needed, you also need rest.’ I could try to push more, but I know that wouldn’t work at this stage. So I leave the topic for what it is and watch the landscape slowly change in front of my eyes, the countryside peaceful before we reach the busy city again. The sky is dark and grey, it can start raining any moment. Winter is approaching rapidly and the temperature is already close to zero.
‘I have been wondering if we should also file for a divorce.’ The tremor of her voice breaks the long silence with devastating words. I can only assume her thoughts come from Winny and Helena the other night, or maybe it has been on her mind for a long time, or was it our fight? Either way, I need to stop the car in order not to crash us. Through the sudden mist that covered my eyes I park the car next to the quiet road. I release myself from the suffocating seatbelt and slowly turn to her.
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Good chapter , thank you!
But i have a question – how Bette find out about cheating. Tina told her, but for what reason – she just told her by herself, or Bette somehow find out and confronted Tina?
Hey, Tina immediately went home to tell Bette. She wasn’t hiding or sneaking around.
Okay, there is the apology from Tina for the act….. So what next?
Once again…. perhaps they can talk without using leading questions….. perhaps they can each describe how they saw their life the months preceding the incident…. Stop assuming what is going on in the other’s mind…. allow them to tell you what their thoughts are…..
Why was Tina “at her weakest” ?
Oh, and I find the BetteisBetter that she would rather have a partner have a one night stand than to treat her like Bette treated Tina – to be absolutely toxic….. At the moment all we have is that Bette may have been unavailable during the period of time before the Tina’s cheating. We see that Tina has no idea what Bette’s perception of life was – therefore we have no confidence that Tina is representing Bette behavior objectively. Tina appears to be the least objective person in this story….. and no matter how emotionally and physically Bette was not available, that does not excuse Tina from having sex with some other than her wife. That is the classic response from someone in an abusive relationship – “I cheated because you left me no choice OR because your behavior made me do it OR its what I needed to do to get your attention. OR because of your behavior, that is what you deserve.” – Those are extremely toxic responses.
That’s ok. Everyone has their own morals and values in life right. I respect your opinion without needing to put a label of judgment to it.
Not to beat a dead horse but it is quite clear that your intent is to excuse Tina’s infidelity. Going right home and telling Bette changes nothing. Actually makes it worse. In the original series Bette never tried to deny Candace even though all Tina saw was a look and swiping hands. Honesty changes nothing. Bette was at her lowest point during that time in the series. They had lost their baby. Tina shut her out. Bette’s job was on the line. These are not excuses. In your story Tina was supposedly upset at Bette’s work schedule. No comparison. And even if there were comparisons no excuse. You are literally trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Martha is correct. No matter what you try to do it just won’t fit. Sorry, desperate, low point, only one time etc. There is no foundation of trust at all. And the easy cheating? Very degrading to lesbians. Very stereotypical. And Tina remains so hostile and Bette is broken. This Bette and this Tina need to divorce. Just my observation.
This story has such a lovely premise – reunited to deal with the slow death of a loved one, Bette and Tina are faced with the consequences and demise of their own marriage and relationship. A highly emotional and stressful life event that has to impact their reactions to seeing each other again. And I am drawn in to the wasted time, the minutes that tick by as they stand in the same room yet miles apart simply because one can not – or will not – own her cruel behavior and the other won’t speak to how she feels. This chapter was a baby step in the right direction. I am curious as to what Bette will do. There hasn’t been a lot of kindness extended until the glimpses of it in this chapter, and Tina seems to be holding on to a whole lot of self righteous anger. The wording and writing in this story is very well done and clearly has sparked comments from readers in defense of the one cheated on. I remain cautiously optimistic but if Bette was my friend I would tell her not to stay in the apartment but to carve out time to spend together talking, healing, listening. With Renee failing each day there may not be enough time to reach a point where they can even begin to think about having a relationship again.
Hey BK. After reading your reply I realize that part of my reaction really is the negative depiction of lesbians. Lesbians cheat. No big deal. Get over it. It’s the same negative stereotyping taking place in Gen Q. Infidelity is the breaking of a solemn promise, an unbreakable bond. Why was it so easy for Tina to cheat? Why didn’t she talk to Bette? Very troublesome.
Thanks for the post. I would like to see them both in the Apartment It may encourage more discussion and mean that they share the caring more jointly.
Look forward to more