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    Valediction (One/Three)

    Story written on March 21, 2007 by MutedTempest.
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    Number of Comments: 12
    Words: 6661
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=65034
    Author Notes:

    News. Memories. Decisions. Etc.

    **********
    Alice

    Dana didn’t want to do the chemo. She was quiet about the whole thing, and almost eerily calm. I insisted that we get a few more opinions, and every doctor we went to told us the same thing Dr. Shapiro had: that while chemo was certainly an option, it wasn’t one that held out a lot of hope. I asked about bone marrow transplants, blood transfusions…anything, and got the same response. It drove me insane.

    Dana tried to talk me down, especially after I started crying on the way home from our fifth visit to a different oncologist. I didn’t mean to, of course, not when I was driving, but I couldn’t help it. It seemed like everybody was giving up, and they were making Dana believe she had to.

    "It’s not like that, Al. I swear it’s not. I want to get better just as much as you want me to, but I don’t want to be completely miserable again," she told me. Her calmness was freaking me out. She was usually pissed off about it, and that helped her fight. Now she was acting like she was accepting a death sentence. Of course, in retrospect I can see the maturity in that, but at the time it made me feel like dying myself.

    I yelled. A lot. Looking back now, I hate myself for it, for the way I must have made her feel. God, she just found out that she was dying, and all I did was scream at her about how much of a pussy she was being to not at least try the treatments. That she obviously didn’t love me, since she didn’t see me as something worth fighting for. I saw the tears in her eyes after I said that, but they just drove me on.

    "You fought so fucking hard before, now you’re just giving up because the fucking doctors tell you there’s no chance? What the fuck kind of strategy is that?" She tried to say something, but I wasn’t in any mood to listen to her. I felt betrayed somehow. That’s probably stupid, but I did…I felt like she was betraying me by choosing not to even attempt the chemo.

    I told her all of that and more, just laying into her about everything. She started to cry before I was two minutes into my tirade, and I knew I should stop, but I couldn’t make myself. It was like something else took control of my mouth, making me say all these things that weren’t at all fair to her. But even though I knew that, I still couldn’t make myself stop.

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    Comments

    1. I hate to just repeat what everyone else said…but yeah, wow. I don’t think I’ve ever cried from fan fic before, but tears actually welled up in my eyes by the 3rd page of this. I almost didn’t read it because I want to live in a delusional fan fic universe where Dana dying of cancer is never part of the equation, but I love your writing so much I couldn’t resist. I’m bracing myself for the outcome, but I know it’ll be worth it if the next 2 chapters are anything like this one (and I’m sure they will be).

    6. Wow…that’s pretty much all there is to say. I’m supposed to be writing a paper, but i stopped to see if anything new was posted and i’m glad i did! This is such an awesome story, its so real. Please continue and SOON!

    7. Dana’s death really was handled poorly on the show, both last season and this one (so far), so I’m interested to see your interpretation. This was an excellent first chapter, though I know the heartbreak is coming. Thanks

    8. you got me all so teary eyes :'( liking the closure that we certainly didn’t get on the show. also the first person-thing. it’s done perfect :)

    9. I lost my longest friend recently to cancer so this opened those wounds. It is a poingnant story and well constructed and written so the reader is a participant. Please continueJackie E

    10. Ok, I just have to say that I pretty much started crying on the second page, and now that I’m finished I still can’t stop crying. That was…my God. There are no words for all the love and emotion you just created between the two. 5 pages of your story proved their love more than storyline IC could have written. Please post the rest of this story soon, although I’ll have to remember to grab an entire box of tissues next installment. Great job.

    11. Amazing! I love how you are writing this…I like the 1st person angle, it works! I am almost crying, but I am at work and that makes me want to cry on its own…no seriously you have a gift! Looking fwd to all your posts for all your stories (YOU, Weather the Storm and now Valediction)

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