“Hey you guys made it.” he gets up, grabbing his knee before he walks over. “So Cutch you sure about this?”

Fuck me… it’s a grand, nothing more. I just have to give it to him and I can leave this fucking place for ever, I can finally get rid of my past…if she wants to know me then, really know me, here I am.

“Help!” the shout sending this cold feel of ice through my body. And I feel sick, that fear stricken voice screaming and it could only mean one thing here.

“Fuck me,” he runs faster then anyone would ever think. “Cutch clear off the table.”

Moving as fast as I could and I always hated this most, fuck I hate blood.

“Oh my god Shane,” she grips my arm and I don’t know what to do to make this okay. To take that fear and sadness from her eyes…shit she can’t be any older than fourteen.

“What happened?” his voice nothing more than an echo in my head, and I see me on that table bruised and cut bleeding all over my clothes.

“I don’t know I found her at the beach…hey Cutch.” her voice soft just like all those years ago, her eyes warm and I wonder what happened to her.

“Hi Mary,” her eyes a dark grey her right swollen to a deep black. Fuck I think I’m going to be sick…I have to go.

Running out the door, I see that stain and I can’t be here anymore. My throat burning, and I can’t stop not until my lungs burn screaming out for air, not until my legs give out. The sting of hitting the ground, of my skin slowly scrapping off my hand. That low burn and I can’t stop these tears from falling…I hate you mom for leaving me. I hate you for dying when I needed you the most…there can’t be a god not when shit like this happens.

“Shane,” I can barely see her through the tears.

She falls next to me, her arms pulling me into her sweet embrace, the smell of her perfume filling my head. Maybe if I hold her tight she’ll never leave…maybe if I hold her tight she’ll never die. Her hand running through my hair, her voice soothing and I feel like my insides are being ripped apart. She wants to know…she just fucking saw a part of what it was like. I hold her closer needing the warmth of her body to chase away this fear, this cold hand that grips me tight.