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    Was it Time Wasted?

    Story written on March 28, 2011 by Journey1962.
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    61 votes, average: 3.75 out of 561 votes, average: 3.75 out of 561 votes, average: 3.75 out of 561 votes, average: 3.75 out of 561 votes, average: 3.75 out of 5 (61 votes, average: 3.75 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 15
    Words: 12253
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=77116
    Author Notes:

    A one time complete story. A Tibette/Journey1962 Mashup

    “Speaking of children Bette do you have any?
    “Yes, one child, Angelica she’s twenty.  And she has always known that I like woman.”
    “So was this conception the old fashion way or…”
    “I used a sperm donor. And I had her on my own.  I wasn’t with a partner nor did I want one at the time but I knew that I wanted at least two children.  I had complications at the end of my pregnancy and delivered early and ended up losing my uterus.”
    “Sorry to hear that.”
    “Thanks, I wanted a little boy I was going to name him Christian after Tina.”
    “Tina you mentioned church, was that something that kept you from accepting who you are sooner?  And if so how has that changed how your view church?
    “Well I haven’t gone to church in a few years, but not because of that.  I had some things change in my life where I wasn’t able to go for a number of years after my divorce.  And I think because I wasn’t attending I didn’t have everything filtered through that lens, if you will.  I started to hear people say some of the things that I used to say, the Christian jargon.  It was then that I realized that my life wasn’t being very relevant to people outside the church.  And I define myself more by what I didn’t do than by what I did.  I remember my sister saying we Christians are blinding one another with our light and not sharing it with the world.   I have never been one to force what I believe on others or try to judge them.  I have and had my own struggles with this issue is one of the reason it took so long.  I recently watched a video online.  I think it was Oprah’s  OWN site.  Not a great fan of hers, but I found this interesting.  Something called “Praying the gay away?”  Can you be gay and Christian?  The statement at the end the video summed it up for me. That ‘God is more concern about your heart than in what you do.’  And I saw someone make a comment to that last line and someone else replied in such a judgmental way.  I understood why they did but it didn’t come from a place of love.  I find that a lot of Christians have an “us” and “them” mind set.  We are all the “us and them”.  And I find that to be what happens a lot of times.  People don’t look at the sin that they commit everyday and say that God isn’t pleased, they focus more on what ‘you do.’  But no one has to answer to God for me but me.  So that is how I deal with it.  I don’t need to hear the negative comments from the Peanut gallery.  I know what God says word for myself and He gives us each a free will.  So I will have to give an account for what I do and don’t do.  No one else will answer for me.  So my life and what I choose to do with it is just that, mine.”
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    Comments

    1. It was courageous of you to share your story with us. Things happen in our lives for a reason and they help shape who we are now. I wish you happiness and peace.

    2. This is my first time leaving a comment. I enjoyed your story. I related to some of this story. Here’s to a new chapter and may your journey be an amazing one!

    3. Thanks for sharing the story and wisdom “…They were a time of learning and preparation for the good to come in your life…” :-) very touching and encouraging. Well, you might be shy as you said, and I really don’t know you, but I believe that you are a brave one ;-) proven by sharing this story and openly telling this is based on your experience. Wishing you happiness and love.. :-)

    4. You were brave to share a part of yourself with us. I can so truly relate to your story. I am 44 years old, and I have known of my attraction to women since I was about eight years old, but has never been with a woman, lead the so call normal life for about 10 years from the age of 14-24 and then just left the whole scene alone and decided to just be alone,not fair to men and too much drama with women. Good Luck to you. And yes please an update on “Stripper”, I love that story.

    5. I’m glad that a number of you can relate to this story in some way. I know a lot of us read for pure entertainment and to escape a little bit. But I also like to read to gain a little insight sometimes. As a shy person, I tend to be very introspect, too much in my head. As you can tell by the way that I write :) So one day when that special woman comes into my life I hope that I don’t over think things too much. :) Thanks for the well wishes. I am looking forward to loving again, the right person. Best wishes to those who search as well.

    6. How brave you are. It takes an amazing person to see themselves as clear as you do. Best wishes on your journey to your true self…I hope you find more happiness along the way.

    7. It takes some courage to write the way you have. I hope you feel better for it! Your handle makes a whole lot of sense now and I too wish you the very best on the journey you have embarked on :0)

    12. Glad to see your post and WoW! Such fortitude and insightful story, revealing too! Perception of God, faith and love is a cause of many struggles and debates; thank you for sharing a glimpse in your journey. Any way to have realization sooner rather than later is great! Please don’t take long to update the other story.

    13. Got to the end of the story and realized I was crying. I could insert my name for Tina’s… 3 kids, a 19-year marriage ending after my ex cheated, and a similar “Bette” in my past. Thanks for sharing your experience and I agree with you about not regretting the past. From one shy, over-thinker to another, I wish you love and happiness on your journey. I hope you find someone

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