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    What Exactly is Autonomy? Chapter 4

    Story written on May 24, 2006 by Seahurst.
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    Number of Comments: 38
    Words: 2112
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=61024
    Author Notes:

    …it’s about finding forgiveness…searching for redemption.”

    Bette could hear the tears in Tina’s voice…could see in her mind those same tears slowly making their way down the soft, beautiful skin belonging to the woman who would always be the love of her life.

    "Please Bette. Let’s not wait until something life-threatening happens for us to find again the core of who we are."

    Still not quite able to let go of all the anger she had amassed over the last months, Bette didn’t trust Tina’s words.

    "I don’t understand Tina. What happen to make you change so quickly? Why are you all of a sudden wanting to be my best friend again, when not two days ago you didn’t want me to help raise your child? Two days ago you said good-bye to me as your family, and hello to Henry. What was it Tina? What caused this epiphany?"

    Understanding that Bette wasn’t going to give her an inch, Tina realized that she truly may have ruined any chance of them salvaging their relationship. But, she wasn’t ready to give up just yet. She knew that through it all Bette loved her. If she didn’t, all this wouldn’t have torn the brunette up as much as it had.

    "Truth?"

    "Do you really want an answer to that?!" Bette said sarcastically. "I think the truth would be refreshing if you can find it!"

    Knowing she deserved every bit of Bette’s anger didn’t stop her from flinching at the sting caused by her words.

    "Last night as Henry and I were talking about how differently we feel about who we consider family, and who we don’t, it hit me…well, a ton of things hit me all at once…but what really stood out for me is that by leaving you, I traded one acceptance for another…and in the end, realized I couldn’t live with that choice."

    "I don’t understand," Bette said confused.

    "Well, as my partner I felt total and unconditional acceptance from you. I also felt acceptance from our community of friends in WeHo for how we loved and lived our lives. But, with the birth of Angelica, so many hidden fears came to the surface for me."

    Tina ran her fingers through her hair, and release a deep breath.

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    Comments

    1. I like the writing, but I still don’t like S3 Tina. Let her figure out her shit with a therapist, not with the “best friend” she so callously and maliciously wrung through the wringer. Please do not let Bette get sucked back into Tina’s self-involved, always the victim passivity. Bette deserves happiness. Can’t someone on this site give her that (away from Tina)? You know, Sea, whatever you write, I’ll read, even if I don’t like where the story’s heading. I’m fearful this is going to be one of those times … :(

    2. Well, I still feel like I can’t forgive Tina. Tina was talking about what is good to herself all the time. Is it out of love or loneliness? I can’t tell.

    3. I attempted to present you with a beautifull comment, words that would make clear to you how much I enloy reading your marvelous stories, your intense writingstyle… I wish there were words… Thanks

    5. Is there anything you write that is not da bomb? I’m totally loving this so far, but there is that part about Tina not having anywhere else to go but Bette’s that I’m not sure I fully understood.. Does Tina want to go HOME and that is where Bette is or just she needs a place to stay at? Anyway, I can’t wait to see what’s coming next.. It’s funny that so many people were angry with Tina during S3 and yet she was the most talked about character in the episode discussions.. IC struck a cord with this character, if only she gave us her POV..

    8. That was one tough phone call…not just for Bette but for Tina as well…I think. And more tough conversation to come. I too will read whatever you have to offer. Thanks, Sea.

    9. Hey! You took off the rating thing and now I can’t leave my ONE star! No fair! Anyway, just kidding Seahurst! Don’t ”shhhh” me! I don’t know where you’re going with this, but I will follow you to the ends of fanfic earth. It’s escalating and I’m really curious to see what’s going to happen when they meet in your next chapter. An interesting read as always and enjoying your story.

    12. My heart is leaping in the air with joy. There is still this massive gulf between these two but at least now the row boats are moving towards one another. As best friends they maybe are able to come to some understanding and then one day take that friendship one step further. Thank you for the chapter and story.

    14. I love your stories and never comment.Decided that’s just plain wrong.If the point of relationships is to midwife our imperfections to resolution together then you have accomplished this again and again. You have a unique voice with your words and I love reading them. Best..Sue

    15. Alright, giving Tina the benefit of the doubt, but if she screws up this time, theirs no forgiving. She’s been enlightend,realizes she not only lost her partner but her best friend. Well its about time. I know we can count on you for a great story, and hopefully it will all work out. One baby step at a time.

    19. yup that’s the one, your soulmate/your lover is your best firnd in my experience and when you’ve finished carving each other up with your hurts and fears only you 2 can put you (individually) back 2gether again, cuz only you 2 know the damage and love enuff to fix it…but you gotta be willing, Bette was after Candy/seems like Tina wasn’t cuz her internalised het world told her not to !!!!!!way to go…love this story..

    20. i’m so glad that you’re tibetter because the situation with tina in season 3 seems so hopeless with Ilene breaking them up…that’s why i’m only writing B&T beginnings because if i would write about B&T after s3, they would get together as fast as you can say Indiana Jones (Notting Hill reference)…thanks

    24. After leaving Henry’s, she really didn’t have any place to go other than back to her home with Bette……………..So how much of this “talk” Tina wants to have is sincere or just doing what she needs to do to because without Bette, she’s literally homeless? She can always crash again on Alice’s sofa! I hate feelings as though Bette is somehow getting the short end of the stick. Once again, Tina manipulates Bette because she has an ulterior motive…………..but she felt Bette deserved to have the opportunity to invite her first, and not just show up unannounced, proclaiming “I’m back!!”……….After all Tina has put Bette’s heart through, Tina still thinks that Bette’s love for her is so profound that she (Tina) can walk on her heart, out her life, and return because the grass was NOT greener on the other side.

    25. Well, this is a great scenario. I want to read more….it helps soothe the pain of the oh so weird third season!Thanks Seahurst for another great story of redemption and hopefully forgiveness!

    26. I can’t think of anything original to say except, “Uh, yay?” because I really don’t know if dinner will go well. It could end up looking like a warzone. Being involved with someone that long makes it hurt even more when you demote your relationship to friendship status. “Best friend” is nearly a fatal blow to the head. Wow I think I need to sleep or something. I’m not sure this comment made sense at all.

    28. I enjoyed this. I think Bette’s responses are very true to her character as we’ve come to know it. Tina needs to go into this with low expectations, afterall, Bette is not an objective listener!Looking forward to the next chapter, as always.

    30. This must be so hard on both of them, To tell someone you needed you best friend,and them almost turning you down. Tina needs a friend right now. Not lovers but a friends. thanks

    31. i’m liking it and i’m thinking of where your trying to take it, i see the friendship, but not quiet sure if that will work. After i read this, i had a picture of them out of the pilot where there sitting on the front steps and bette is holding tina’s hand and she kisses it and that look of love in their eyes, that’s where i want you to take this story cause i know that your more than capabile to do that, oh shit i’m not sure where i was going, but if i remember i will let you know. Thank you sea

    32. Seahurst…Your writing is da bomb. You just have a magnificent way with words and phrasing. You never sound preachy but can analyze B & T’s motivations and present them in such a way that is coherent and totally believable. What a talent!

    34. This is very interesting – Tina has an epiphany and finally wants to start talking about her fears that caused her to flee her gay life. If I were Bette it would be hard to forgive but Bette does need to learn to listen so maybe there is growth for both in the cards. Sea you are amazing and your reactions to Tina’s move to men has been similiar to mine so I’m glad to see you take this on. Thanks so much for writing and sharing it with us.

    35. It’s hard to be a friend to an ex-lover and an advisor about your lost relationship at the same time. I trust you will lead them through this morass with your usual grace and aplomb. Thanks!

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