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    What Exactly is Autonomy? Chapter 4

    Story written on May 24, 2006 by Seahurst.
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    Number of Comments: 38
    Words: 2112
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=61024
    Author Notes:

    …it’s about finding forgiveness…searching for redemption.”

    "So many Bette. I can’t even wrap my head around them all. But, instead of dealing with them head on, one at a time, I chickened out and decided to exchange the acceptance of a few, for the acceptance of many."

    At this point she let her tears flow unrestricted. "But tonight, I realized that it didn’t matter if I was accepted by a few, or by everyone, I at least needed to have it from the one I share my life…my bed with. And, with Henry…I didn’t."

    "Oh…" Bette breathed out, not quite sure of what to make of what Tina said. She had always lived her life without needing to feel that acceptance from society at large. As a child of mixed race, she learned early on that all you needed was the love of those closest to you. And, when she came out, it just reenforced her belief in herself all the more so. Everyone else could go blow smoke as far as she was concerned.

    "This is just part of what I realized tonight. I have so many other thoughts flowing out of me. Thoughts about what happen to me…what I did consciously or unconsciously to myself…and, well I was hoping I could talk through some of it with you."

    Tina stopped for a moment and let her voice go quiet. "You are still the one I trust and respect the most Bette. I know my actions have convinced you otherwise, but it is true. You have the purest heart I have ever known. And," she let out a soft chuckle. "I need that analytical mind of yours."

    Bette couldn’t help but smile at the compliments.

    "Well…"

    "Bette please. I promise this isn’t about trying to get back together again…although that would be a wonderful goal for the future. This is truly about me and you, and salvaging the best friendship I’ve had, or ever will have. And, I admit…it’s about finding forgiveness…searching for redemption."

    Tina stopped talking. Inherently she knew that whatever Bette’s decision, it wouldn’t change because of anything else that came out of Tina’s mouth. No, she just had to trust in the friendship she so desperately wanted back.

    There was absolute silence on the other end of the phone, but Tina knew this just meant Bette was allowing Tina’s words to marinate for a minute before expressing her response. So, she stayed quiet, waiting while the charismatic woman processed Tina’s request.

    Finally, after what seems like hours, Tina heard the words she had prayed for.

    "I’m free for dinner tomorrow night if you want to come over."

    TBC

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    Comments

    1. I like the writing, but I still don’t like S3 Tina. Let her figure out her shit with a therapist, not with the “best friend” she so callously and maliciously wrung through the wringer. Please do not let Bette get sucked back into Tina’s self-involved, always the victim passivity. Bette deserves happiness. Can’t someone on this site give her that (away from Tina)? You know, Sea, whatever you write, I’ll read, even if I don’t like where the story’s heading. I’m fearful this is going to be one of those times … :(

    2. Well, I still feel like I can’t forgive Tina. Tina was talking about what is good to herself all the time. Is it out of love or loneliness? I can’t tell.

    3. I attempted to present you with a beautifull comment, words that would make clear to you how much I enloy reading your marvelous stories, your intense writingstyle… I wish there were words… Thanks

    5. Is there anything you write that is not da bomb? I’m totally loving this so far, but there is that part about Tina not having anywhere else to go but Bette’s that I’m not sure I fully understood.. Does Tina want to go HOME and that is where Bette is or just she needs a place to stay at? Anyway, I can’t wait to see what’s coming next.. It’s funny that so many people were angry with Tina during S3 and yet she was the most talked about character in the episode discussions.. IC struck a cord with this character, if only she gave us her POV..

    8. That was one tough phone call…not just for Bette but for Tina as well…I think. And more tough conversation to come. I too will read whatever you have to offer. Thanks, Sea.

    9. Hey! You took off the rating thing and now I can’t leave my ONE star! No fair! Anyway, just kidding Seahurst! Don’t ”shhhh” me! I don’t know where you’re going with this, but I will follow you to the ends of fanfic earth. It’s escalating and I’m really curious to see what’s going to happen when they meet in your next chapter. An interesting read as always and enjoying your story.

    12. My heart is leaping in the air with joy. There is still this massive gulf between these two but at least now the row boats are moving towards one another. As best friends they maybe are able to come to some understanding and then one day take that friendship one step further. Thank you for the chapter and story.

    14. I love your stories and never comment.Decided that’s just plain wrong.If the point of relationships is to midwife our imperfections to resolution together then you have accomplished this again and again. You have a unique voice with your words and I love reading them. Best..Sue

    15. Alright, giving Tina the benefit of the doubt, but if she screws up this time, theirs no forgiving. She’s been enlightend,realizes she not only lost her partner but her best friend. Well its about time. I know we can count on you for a great story, and hopefully it will all work out. One baby step at a time.

    19. yup that’s the one, your soulmate/your lover is your best firnd in my experience and when you’ve finished carving each other up with your hurts and fears only you 2 can put you (individually) back 2gether again, cuz only you 2 know the damage and love enuff to fix it…but you gotta be willing, Bette was after Candy/seems like Tina wasn’t cuz her internalised het world told her not to !!!!!!way to go…love this story..

    20. i’m so glad that you’re tibetter because the situation with tina in season 3 seems so hopeless with Ilene breaking them up…that’s why i’m only writing B&T beginnings because if i would write about B&T after s3, they would get together as fast as you can say Indiana Jones (Notting Hill reference)…thanks

    24. After leaving Henry’s, she really didn’t have any place to go other than back to her home with Bette……………..So how much of this “talk” Tina wants to have is sincere or just doing what she needs to do to because without Bette, she’s literally homeless? She can always crash again on Alice’s sofa! I hate feelings as though Bette is somehow getting the short end of the stick. Once again, Tina manipulates Bette because she has an ulterior motive…………..but she felt Bette deserved to have the opportunity to invite her first, and not just show up unannounced, proclaiming “I’m back!!”……….After all Tina has put Bette’s heart through, Tina still thinks that Bette’s love for her is so profound that she (Tina) can walk on her heart, out her life, and return because the grass was NOT greener on the other side.

    25. Well, this is a great scenario. I want to read more….it helps soothe the pain of the oh so weird third season!Thanks Seahurst for another great story of redemption and hopefully forgiveness!

    26. I can’t think of anything original to say except, “Uh, yay?” because I really don’t know if dinner will go well. It could end up looking like a warzone. Being involved with someone that long makes it hurt even more when you demote your relationship to friendship status. “Best friend” is nearly a fatal blow to the head. Wow I think I need to sleep or something. I’m not sure this comment made sense at all.

    28. I enjoyed this. I think Bette’s responses are very true to her character as we’ve come to know it. Tina needs to go into this with low expectations, afterall, Bette is not an objective listener!Looking forward to the next chapter, as always.

    30. This must be so hard on both of them, To tell someone you needed you best friend,and them almost turning you down. Tina needs a friend right now. Not lovers but a friends. thanks

    31. i’m liking it and i’m thinking of where your trying to take it, i see the friendship, but not quiet sure if that will work. After i read this, i had a picture of them out of the pilot where there sitting on the front steps and bette is holding tina’s hand and she kisses it and that look of love in their eyes, that’s where i want you to take this story cause i know that your more than capabile to do that, oh shit i’m not sure where i was going, but if i remember i will let you know. Thank you sea

    32. Seahurst…Your writing is da bomb. You just have a magnificent way with words and phrasing. You never sound preachy but can analyze B & T’s motivations and present them in such a way that is coherent and totally believable. What a talent!

    34. This is very interesting – Tina has an epiphany and finally wants to start talking about her fears that caused her to flee her gay life. If I were Bette it would be hard to forgive but Bette does need to learn to listen so maybe there is growth for both in the cards. Sea you are amazing and your reactions to Tina’s move to men has been similiar to mine so I’m glad to see you take this on. Thanks so much for writing and sharing it with us.

    35. It’s hard to be a friend to an ex-lover and an advisor about your lost relationship at the same time. I trust you will lead them through this morass with your usual grace and aplomb. Thanks!

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