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On the verge – Chapter three
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September 4th, 1992
Dear diary,
For the first time in my life, I will have to keep a secret from Tee. I hate it and I really don’t want to, but I don’t have that much of a choice.
Today of all days she told me that she told Billie Samson that she liked him and he said he liked her as well. I had to pretend I was happy for her, but as soon as she left I cried.
The thing is, I think I’m in love with Tee. I might have been for a long time, but today I realised it. I made some silly joke about ms Lerner and her psycho ways and Tee had to laugh and I just wanted to hug her and kiss her and lie down with her and stroke her beautiful, blonde hair.
I love everything about her. I can say that I love her and she’ll say she loves me too, but she won’t know in what way I mean it. She is so kind and open-hearted and open-minded, so passionate and expressive and talented and free-spirited. Everything about her is so wonderful. And then she’s so beautiful as well. I mean, I always knew she was pretty, but when I looked at her today and I thought of the woman she will become… I can’t stand it that some guy will make her happy. I was thinking of a guy making her happy and it made me so damn angry I could kill him, even tough I don’t know who he is. I hope it won’t be Billie, because Billie isn’t right for her. I tried to tell her, but she wouldn’t listen. I said it the moment she told me about him. He doesn’t deserve her, you see.
They will probably be a couple soon and I can’t stand it. It feels like I lost her already, like some part of us is gone. We always swore that boys were stupid and wouldn’t come between us and it feels like he already has.
My Tee is really wonderful. I love every detail about her. How she eats so much that you wonder where all the food goes and how she mixes food, how she likes to dip her cucumber in melted cheese, how she puts on her pants first and then her shirt, how she always starts combing her hair on the right side (well, right to her), how she has an obsession with her teeth. She has the most beautiful eyes as well, they change in the light. Sometimes they’re green, sometimes brown – different shades of brown. She smells differently each season and her favourite smells are strawberry and vanilla.
She refuses to drink alcohol and says she’ll never do that. She always uses the same soap and always makes sure she has a whole lot of stock, it’s so cute. We share this amazing bond, she is a part of who I am. If I hadn’t known her, I wouldn’t be who I am right now. Our friendship didn’t change going from primary school to high school, we’re still as close. I was so afraid that wouldn’t be the case. And now I’m in love with her. I don’t know if I should tell her. I know she won’t laugh at me, but she likes Billie. She likes boys. Only two years ago, she thought all boys were stupid morons and now she likes the stupidest moron of them all. Maybe she won’t spend as much time with me if I tell her. I don’t want to risk that, I don’t want anything to change if it can’t change in the way that she’s my girlfriend. I hear Dad coming home now, so I have to go and say hi and pretend I really, really love him.
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Ok, you got me there! Gary and Pete for example were great, good thing holidays are soon and I can go back and reread your older stories and not only enjoy Tibette but also some nice male characters lol. I didn’t mean to imply anything with my question, it came out of curiosity. Glad you know that not all of them are like that. As for this chapter, I was on the verge too – on the verge of tears while reading Bette’s diary entry. Although it makes me sad, I’m curious where this all will lead us. Thanks for posting so soon!
Heh! First too, yay! That doesn’t happen very often :)
I know first hand what it is like to lose a loved one to suicide
Hey Gen! We loved the dynamics on this Chapter. The first page of Bette’s Diary was as if you were listening to her. Tina’s reaction to the Diary and her thoughts about Bette’s words are very realistic and beautifully detailed. As for Eric’s confession to his pal, we think it was a misfortunate comment to critisize Bette, behind Tina’s back. He really acted as a scorned man. However, due to Tina’s recent loss of her best friend, we think she needs someone to comfort her at this time. Once she does not feel so vulnerable and places in a balance what’s best for her, she will certainly make her choice. Thanks for another GREAT update. PPS Hugs & kisses on both your cheeks. – Lucero & Marsha (The Salsa Aunties)
Excellent, Genner. I look forward to more. I don’t know what it is that you hope to give us, but I’ll keep reading to find out. It’s heartbreaking, though
Another heartbreaking chapter – sigh! I know as well first hand how it feels to lose a loved one to suicide. Thank you again for this story and I know it will give all of us someway to come to terms with it.
You are an excellent writer. Looking forward to more. I still think it sad. But honestly something like this is someone’s reality. It pains me to think that someone could do what Bette did for the reasons she did it. Yes to lose at love or to never be able to love that certain someone is painful but not enough to take your life. With time the heart heals. I know first hand.