Tina:

As I sit here in my apartment and it’s getting closer to another Christmas here in Vancouver, I trail off thinking back to when I was a little girl. I used to plan out my Christmas list way in advance so when it was time to see Santa I would have the list memorized. I didn’t miss a beat when I recited it to him as I sat on his lap . I thought Santa was the most generous man to deliver presents to us good boys and girls..And he was. Unfortunately, I grew up and no longer was one of Santa’s children.

Now that I have a daughter of my own, I realize that Santa doesn’t always get your child what he or she wants. Especially when you are raising them on your own and wondering if you will have enough left over at the end of the month to live off of. Santa never said it costs money to make your child smile at Christmas.

My daughter Angelica is 5 years old. I left L.A. After my ex Bette Porter cheated on me with that carpenter Candace. I didn’t tell Bette, but at the time I was pregnant and I was so devastated over her affair that I left town and never looked back. I haven’t spoken to her in five years. She still doesn’t know about Angelica and part of me wants to come clean and at least let Bette become part of her life. But I’m scared of her reaction and if she will hate me because I have kept Angie from her all of this time.

Life hasn’t been easy. Finding a decent job has been hard. I tried getting a job in the film industry but I had no luck. I did find a job thanks to my best friend Bridgette who is manager at the local supermarket I work as cashier for. I met Bridgette coming out of that same supermarket when I arrived 5 months pregnant here in Vancouver. She and I quickly formed a friendship and told me that I could stay at her vacant apartment which is where I now call home. She had gotten married and moved into her husbands home.

Bridgette hired me temporarily but I have since made it permanent. I suppose I could go back to L.A. but I’m not ready. I haven’t spoken to anyone there. I’m not ready to face them after I cowardly left. I don’t even know if they have tried to find me or If they think about me still. I have myself to blame. I should have been stronger and stayed.