“Sam stop.”

Her hands instantly dropping to her sides from massaging my chest.  I silently took her hand and lead us to the sofa.
Keeping her hands firmly planted in mine i began to speak.

“I need you to know how much I love you and that I’m sorry for all the hurt ive caused you.”

Sam looked at me her eyes filled with bewilderment. I allowed myself to enjoy the soothing feelings of her fingers caressing mine. I knew she was listening. She always did.

“Cat what is it? Why are you crying? What’s happened?” I could only watch as Sam moved closer to me closing the space that separated us.

I took a deep breath. I was scared. My heart knew that, and I fought with the temptation of not saying a word. For a minute i contemplated how life could just carry on as normal. But then as i watched her tuck her hair behind her ears and smooth the palm of her hands down her trousers. I could see she was nervous. And was being unfair by lying to her for all this time.

“I’ve been… Been sleeping with Frankie”.

My confession had not gone unheard as her hands dropped from mine. And instant tears flooded her face. Standing up she held onto the sofa as if to support her weight. I had never seen her like this. So broken. So uncontrolled. She made her way over to the kitchen opening the bottle of wine. She took a long gulp straight from the bottle. Oh shit what have i done. I should never have told her. Why won’t she say anything.

I was now standing in the kitchen opposite the woman i loved a fragment of her former self just minutes before. I wasn’t sure if to speak or wait to be spoken to. But the silence was unnerving every fibre in my body.

“Sam, I know you probably don’t want to hear this but I’m sorry I fucked up. I’ve never meant to hurt you and I see now its you that I love. I had been holding onto what could have been with Frankie. She will never love me the way you do. I’m sorry tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do whatever you ask. Sam please talk to me”. I was unsure if I truly wanted to hear what Sam had to say about me but I think the silence pained me worse.

“Oh so now you know Frankie will never love you as much as I could its ok because the affair is over.” Her words were bitter but i didn’t expect any less. I expected to hurt.

“Sam that’s not what I said. I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” I tried to close the distance between us placing my hand on her arm. She shrugged it away as quick as I had threw my chance of happiness away.

“Cat don’t touch me. Especially after you’ve touched her. So how was it? Everything and more? Show you a few things I couldn’t?” I observed quietly as she took the hair band from her wrist tying her hair loosely into a low pony tail. It was just one of things I loved about her among many.

I stumbled backwards as I heard the massive this crashing to the floor. I watched motionless as the plates scattered across the floor. This was worse than I imagined it could ever be. The pain she felt made my heart ache to know I had done this to her, broken everything we had together.

I instinctively reached for the dust pan and brush to clear the mess away. As I crouched on the floor, I felt her hand on the small of my back she was crouched next to me.

“I’ll do that, it was my fault. I don’t want you to cut yourself”. I was astonished to hear her admit so openly she still cared about me.

I stood transfixed to the same place careful not to say anything more in fear she would scould me with more painful words. She cleared away the mess after wards heading towards the bedroom. I didn’t move scared to let myself feel anything but hatred towards myself.

A few minutes had passed Sam came into sight again with a holdall bag, my heart throbbed. She was leaving me. I needed her she couldn’t leave me this way.

“I’ve got to go. I can’t do this Cat.”