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    Shattered into a million pieces

    Somewhere down the line I want answers to those three questions. Until then I’ll just try and fight the fires placed in front of me. I maybe insecure in some aspects of my life but I’m not vindictive. If they are going to get together, I had better get used to the idea. Immerse myself in PFLAG, school or just write and write until I feel nothing.

    I deserve better, I would fight back and try and win her back. It’s a lost cause! Thats the way in which I see it. I have two choices, fight or move on. The whole situation isn’t helped by Brian, little brothers are testing at the best of times. But since Rose and I split up, he has been unbearably and surprisingly nice. Even breakfast in bed, if you could call half a glass of orange juice and burnt toast breakfast. Deep down I could not live without him. For goodness sake he sussed I way gay from the get go. What little brother has that much insight? Give me some space to think. Mom has been supportive if a little protective, Dad well next to useless. He is trying to understand ”my lifestyle” choice but true to form he is far more concerned about securing a business deal.

    I have tried to work through everything it’s been a month, Alicia has be great. Supportive, open and she listens. I know she can’t take sides, god knows I’m not going to ask my friends to referee my life. We went for coffee the other day, she really did help. Explained a few things, filled in a few gaps. Kenny even was supportive but I know he had Roses back.

    Do I stand to lose not only Rose, rumour has it her and Vanessa have already started dating. Do I lose friends with it? All I did was try and show her who she was and this is what I have to show for it. It’s hard but I’m not going to bear grudges. Mom says when you are in love, things go wrong. She even told me her and Dad had to go through marriage counselling. On the account he had an affair with another woman in his office, when they first got together.

    Love is never perfect, there are always problems. I honestly thought we were secure in our relationship. Did she ever really love me? You see this is what breakups do they create doubt. It’s a mess, a big mess, as mom once said ”why would you go out of your way to screw your life up on purpose.”

    I’m heartbroken, completely heartbroken. I could cry for days and days. Ok I have already, not a tissue left in huge house had to resort to kitchen roll. Just when you think life isn’t bad enough, humour deflect pain with humour.

    I fell in love with a girl named Rose, but now it’s time to let her go…..

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