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Wallflower all I wanted to be is the wallflower! Distant in the background, then she came along! Brought me out of my shell, always challenging me. I wasn’t ready for the whole world to know I was gay. I was barely able to talk to Dad about it. Let alone to have it splashed out in all it’s technicolor glory.
I wanted to have a quiet life, able to make my own choices. Chose my own direction and she had to push. The kiss in the cinema, I knew it was a bad idea. Then the formal ticket fiasco. Why did she have to push? I didn’t want to be the poster girl for lesbian rights. To respect my decision to blend, to not cause a fuss. I’m not been unreasonable right? She forced me to be something I’m not. All because she fell in love with a girl named Rose. I’m not saying I didn’t love her, hell no! Far from it. I do, the way she makes me laugh. She’s funny, smart, gorgeous and kind. Everything you would want.
She brought light and a heavy dose of love, into my life. I’ll even forgive her for cursing in front of Dad. But is it enough to be challenged by the idea of her and the false sense of love that follows? To be honest I was filling a gap, never truly 100% sure. I loved her with everything I had, to do the right thing.
Dad always did tell me first relationships never are the easiest to predict nor understand. He told me not or rush head first into something I’ll regret. Oh Dad I’m way past that one. He wants me to be cautious to not get hurt. I’m all he has, his blossom.
That does not change the fact, I kissed Vanessa! Oh my goodness I kissed Vanessa. What did I do? I mean I’m not the one that takes the initiative. Far from it I avoid it at all costs, the wallflower again. I cannot stress this enough, I’m a wallflower out of choice. But from the second I saw her, I just felt relief. I stayed away from her for so long. Then she went missing, my world collapsed. All I could think about was kissing her, telling her I loved her. It’s all I have been thinking about for months. She was right there and I wanted to do was hold her. Now I know what your thinking. I have been leading Claire on. It’s not like that, I do still love her. Seeing Vanessa pouring out her love, always wanting to hear those words. It’s always been her.