These things just happen, but not to me. It’s been two weeks since the day that should not be named. I have barely spoken to Kenny and Alicia. Kenny loves me no matter what. I swear when we are 80 years old, we will be sitting on our rocking chairs. Complaining about how he and Alicia should have had two kids. Whilst me and Vanessa should have started a family, going to bake sales and hockey games. I know they will be supportive but I have caused so much pain.

Deep down from the very first kiss, I knew Vanessa was the only one I truly loved. Do I have guilt, yes I do. I’m not in the habit of hurting people I love. I denied who I am for so long, wanting the whole world to swallow me whole. It stops now! Dad denied himself the chance of love after Mom passed. Even choosing not to date because he felt it would cause me a cataclysmic meltdown. Above and beyond the parental call that one. He denied himself the chance of happiness,it’s a two way street Dad. Angela is good for him, he is happy finally. I want that too, but why does it have to be so damn complicated? You see so many questions so few actual answers.

Sorry if it seems as if I can barely hold a conversation, my heads all over the place. I think I have always known it was Vanessa, no matter what her parents did say. Or Vanessa said, being called a queer by your best friend sort of sticks with you. Especially when you know who they really are.

I will never be able to make things right with Claire, I’m not sure if I even can. I just hope in time she can forgive me and find her slice of happiness. She was devastated, she stormed out of the Party, can’t say I blame her. I do still love her but I love Vanessa more.

Vanessa wants to go head first all guns blazing into a relationship. I need to understand why she ran away. It’s not unreasonable to get some answers. I think she is hiding something, I just know it. Every time I bring up what happened when she ran away, she shuts down. How am I supposed to understand where she is at, if she won’t tell me the truth? I’m no relationship expert but I’m pretty sure, lies are not the basis you want to start a relationship on.